What Do You Want Out of Life? by Valerie Tiberius: My Top 10 Takeaways

My son recently graduated from college with a philosophy degree and is working on what’s next. When I saw this book, What Do You Want Out of Life by Valererie Tiberius, I thought I ‘d read it and see if there were any nuggets of wisdom I could pass along to him. There were so many that I bought him a copy and gave my copy to my husband to read.

I love that this book is from a woman’s perspective, specifically as a philosopher. As she mentions early on in the book, most of her education and training was from white, men philosophers and she realized that her view of philosophy and the world was somewhat different.

She wants to help “us deal with the challenges of conflicting goals, lack of information, and an often uncooperative world.”

All of this resonated with me.

Just in case you don’t want to read the book (I recommend that you do), here are my top 10 takeaways from the book.

1. “I could not have been more surprised to discover that life doesn’t sort itself out as you get older. That’s what I thought in my twenties: that by the time I was in my fifties, I would have it all figured out.” She had me with the first two sentences of the book. I feel this 100%.
2. “How we cope with our social world is tremendously important to how well we can flourish.” This was important to me because it gave me permission to add context to how I perceive situations and see that so much is outside of my control.
3. “We human beings are valuing creatures who do well when we can achieve the things we care about in life. Conflicts among our values and goals pulls us in competing directions, away from fulfillment. Conflicts between our goals and the world frustrate our pursuits and lead us away from fulfillment. Our lives go better for us when we can figure out ways of managing these conflicts, and good management requires a good understanding of what we care about in the first place.”
4. “Goals are the things we want” and “values…are special goals…that we want to achive for their own sakes.” Goals “guide our actions and what we learn from experience about how to go on.” “Values are ultimate rather than instrumental…they tend to be fairly stable.” Values “organize how we live our lives, give us a sense of who we are, and are what we think about when we reflect on the state of our lives…The best values for us are the ones that suit who we are and that we can actually realize in our lives.” She has a whole chapter on how to figure out what your values are. Read it. I’m still working on my own values and goals.
5. “If you don’t really know what you want, it’s hard to know how to get it.” In other words, define your own values and goals.
6. “Well-being is best understood as the fulfillment of the values that fit our personalities and our circumstances. We do well when we succeed in terms of what matters to us, and when what matters to us suits our desires, emotions, and judgments.” It’s all about looking for the harmony.
7. “The way that we pursue a good life — no matter how it is defined — is by having goals, figuring out plans for attaining them, and acting on those plans.” I see this as making sure what we define what we want, plan for it, and then execute the plan. Easy peasy. Yeah, right.
8. “The human condition is characterized by conflict. There are just too many moving pieces for all of them to fit together in a harmonious way…Conflict is uncomfortable and demands our attention , which takes away from other things that are more important.” Once we have our values in alignment and we know what our goals are. we can find ways to reduce our conflict.
9. “Make peace with what you cannot change” or “consider radical change.” We have two choices when it comes to conflict in an uncooperative world and these are the choices. Making peace is easier.
10. “We need people to be basically moral and decent in order to succeed because so much of what we do depends on coordinating with others.” We live in a world where not everyone is moral and some are actively working against a just society. Recognizing this is helpful when choosing what to take on and when prioritizing values and goals when there is conflict. We can’t do it all but we can do something.

Since I finished the book, every time I feel some conflict within myself, I am reflecting on what I am conflicted by and what’s most important to me. It’s truly empowering.

This is not an edorsement for Bird scooters!

About the Author

Terri Hanson Mead is the multi-award winning author of Piloting Your Life, Managing Partner of Solutions2Projects, LLC, and an advocate for women through all of her platforms including YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and this blog. Terri is the mother of a college sophomore and recent college graduate, is based in Redwood City, CA and in her spare time, loves to travel, cook, play tennis, and fly helicopters around the San Francisco Bay Area, especially under the Golden Gate Bridge. Oh, and she loves a good craft cocktail!