What’s In Your Toybox? Sex After 50
Two years ago when I was doing the research for Piloting Your Life (the book), I read everything I could find on sex in midlife, interviewed experts, listened to podcasts, and ordered some goodies for myself. I even recorded a few podcast episodes like this one.
This is when I learned about #sexploration.
As I talk about in my book, and as I learned from the experts, midlife (ages 40–65) is the best time to let go of preconceived notions and expectations, and redefine sex. It’s not just about the big O. We can unshackle ourselves from the puritcanical bullshit that may be holding us back from maximum pleasure.
Two years later, I am back doing some research for a secret project. Never one to keep good info to myself, I felt compelled to share what I’ve learned through this research.
My focus this time is on sex after 50 but is applicable to people of all ages. Just today I learned a few things (and shared them with Zeke) while watching Emily Morse’s (#SexWithEmily) MasterClass on sex and communication. It’s fantastic by the way.
Toys and Lube
I think everyone should have a fun, adult, toybox and experiment by themselves or (safely) with others. Two years ago I expanded the collection in my toybox (all for the sake of research) and talked about it in one of my podcast episodes.
Looking to expand your pleasure repertoire?
As Emily (sexwithemily) says, you can never have too many toys and she’s all about the lube. I’ve added in some websites, apps, podcasts, and videos for your pleasure.
It’s time to maximize your Vitamin P (for pleasure).
If you don’t see your favorite, please drop me a line at pilotingyourlife@gmail.com so I can do some more ‘research.’
Note: I do not receive compensation from any of these companies.
Emily Morse (#sexwithemily): I’ve watched her YouTube channel, her MasterClass on sex and communication, and have listened to her podcasts. I’ve navigated her website and ordered some of the items she recommends. She is big on open communication and lube and shaking off societal garbage to improve your overall pleasure by yourself and/or with a partner.
Lioness: (from the website) “Practice Makes Pleasure. Lioness is the first and only smart vibrator and app that lets you see and improve your orgasms.” Can be used alone or with others/other toys. There is some interesting content on the website and the app offers interesting insights into your orgasms. I recommend sharing the data with your partner over dinner or drinks.
Muse flavored lubricants: this is truly an upgrade from the flavored products from the 80s and 90s. Definitely try the creme brulee. Adding lube into the equation can be quite fun.
afterglow (website): This is “porn focused on women’s pleasure.” They just launched this month and will continue to add content. If you are like a lot of American women, you’ve been socialized to think that watching porn is a bad thing. Throw off the shackles of that puritanical thinking and check out this site. The founder/CEO, Lilly, is amazing I can’t wait to see what she and her team cook up next. P.S. they are looking for feedback on the site/content so when you check it out, let them know what you think!
Finding My Yum (podcast): I’ve been listening to this podcast for the last two years and have learned so much about things I didn’t even know existed. She (Geri) is curious, puts herself out there, and is so genuine with her curiosity without judgment. If you are looking to expand your mind re sex, love, and kink, this is a fun way to do it.
Sluts and Scholars (podcast): I’ve been listening to this one for about two years as well. There were two hosts when I started listening and now it’s just Nicoletta Heidegger, a licensed marriage and family therapist and sexologist. It is a “sex positive, shame free, educational podcast where we try to help make your sex smarter and your smarts sexier.”
Dame Products: don’t know what you might want, like or need? Dame has a quiz you can take that will provide some recommendations. I’ve ordered from this site before and just took the quiz and ordered what they recommended. I’ll have to get back to you on whether it was a good recommendation or not.
Rosy: I’d forgotten about this one until I listened to my podcast with Jacqueline from two years ago and saw it on my Piloting Your Life website. “Rosy is the first-of-its-kind platform offering women a holistic approach to sexual health and wellness.” There are erotic stories in addition to resources that target women who are 40+.
Crave: The Vesper is a beautiful piece of jewelry to wear and even more fun to use. I’ve given this to a few women as gifts and none of them have complained.
Piloting Your Life: Sex and Relationship Resources: I created the resources page to share what I learn and make it accessible to others. As I learn about more fun apps, websites, podcasts, videos, toys, and accessories, I’ll add them to this site. I am happy to test things out as part of my own #sexploration and for research so please let me know if I’ve missed your favorite. pilotingyourlife@gmail.com.
Terri Hanson Mead is the author of Piloting Your Life, ‘an inspiring, well-researched beach read’ written as a love letter to GenX women to design and live a life of their own creation. Available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook on Amazon and other online retail outlets.
Terri is exploring more about her midlife (and being a tiara wearing, champagne drinking, troublemaker) on her YouTube channel. New episodes every Tuesday and Saturday.
Note: Look for two episodes on #sexploration the first week of March 2021. My 16 year old produces my YouTube videos and is horrified that they have to listen to me talk about sex not just once, by a second time during editing.
Follow Terri and Piloting Your Life on Instragram.
