The Parody Sports Account Hall of Fame
Recognizing the best in sports satire.
Located in Gary, Indiana is the sports world’s newest Hall of Fame, and I’m its sole curator.
When it came to writing this article, Faux Jon Gruden admittedly pressed the issue. I love me some Jon Gruden. And you’d might think that the second best Gruden would be Jay, but you’d be wrong. Its Faux Jon Gruden and its not even close.
As for what type of accounts were considered for the ’17 Class, the Parody Sports Account Hall of Fame considered any and all ‘comedic accounts that capitalize on the likeness of a high-profile sports celebrity or athlete’. The criterion I used to decide who would be making the cut was pretty simple; it was equal parts notoriety, uniqueness, humor, and my own personal bias.
Accounts like these have, for lack of a better term, blown the fuck up (And thus the need to recognize the truly great ones). The implicit assumption that the face behind these accounts could basically be any one of us, plus that added x-factor of actually being funny (and a little bit opportunistic), makes them distinct. This, combined with the…”up and coming” Gary, Indiana real estate market, is really what made this the perfect time to break ground on the Parody Sports Account Hall of Fame. Let’s get to the 2017 Class.
Stats: 1,140 Tweets, 324k followers
Career-Defining Tweet:
Hall of Fame Credentials: Faux Jon Gruden is likely the most popular of these accounts, so it makes sense to get the GOAT out of the way first. This account mostly capitalizes off of two things: Gruden’s affinity for similes and other wordplay, and his incredibly analytical approach to doing play-by-play. (Tony Romo will never have my heart the way that Gruden does). Currently the account sits at nearly 325k followers, which is a testament to its greatness. I would say that eventually the similes get old, that the tweet-making algorithm becomes all too apparent, but really, no one cares in the slightest, and if you have ever watched Gruden at work, you can attest to the account’s accuracy. You gotta love it. Welcome to Gary, Jon Gruden.
Stats: 364 Tweets, 134k Followers.
Career-Defining Tweet:
Hall of Fame Credentials: Taking the form of a letter, all of the tweets from Captain Andrew Luck are worded in a way that leads us to believe the fictional Captain is from the Civil War period. Why is this? Maybe its his uncomfortably deep voice and captainly demeanor, I don’t know. But, myself and 182 thousand others eat this shit up, and that’s how he made it to the Hall. Whoever runs the Captain Andrew Luck account has managed to turn the huge bummer that is Luck’s real life shoulder injury into the punchline of some pretty hilarious tweets. I’m not saying I’m wishing more injuries upon Andrew Luck, but I am waiting to hear how the squirrel tendons are holding up. Welcome to Gary, Captain Andrew Luck.
Career Stats: 602 Tweets, 62.1k Followers
Career-Defining Tweet:
Hall of Fame Credentials: Boring Sean Monahan perfectly satirises hockey player’s general ineptitude with the media, the way they speak in vague platitudes and more cynically, lack of intelligence. Using Sean Monahan as the face of the account offered A) a very stereotypical hockey player to be the lens, and B) a perfect Twitter avi. The M.O. for Boring Sean Monahan is to be as dry as possible, and it works. I’m far from a hockey guy, so that says a lot about the craftiness of Boring Sean Monahan. Welcome to Gary, @BoringMonahan.
Career Stats: 6,761 Tweets, 366k Followers
Career-Defining Tweet:
Hall of Fame Credentials: @TomBradysEgo is by far the most successful of this year’s class in terms of followers, which is probably enough to warrant the account making the Hall in and of itself, but longevity is also a factor here. The account basically is exactly what it sounds like: shit talk from the perspective of Tom Brady. People love when the greats talk shit, and the people love Tom Brady’s Ego. Welcome to Gary.
Career Stats: 16k Tweets, 24k Followers
Career-Defining Tweet:
Hall of Fame Credentials: TrippingOlney/Not Buster Olney scored off the charts in terms of originality. The idea is that the account is supposed to be a sort of hypothetical stream of consciousness of ESPN’s MLB analyst Buster Olney if he were to get hold of some serious hallucinogenics. This concept could easily have been done poorly, and not to go so far as to incriminate myself, but I can say with certainty that TrippingOlney nailed it, and that’s how you get a nod into the The Parody Sports Twitter Account Hall of Fame. Welcome to Gary, TrippingOlney.
Career Stats: 563 Tweets, 55.5k Followers
Career-Defining Tweet:
Hall of Fame Credentials: @BortlesFacts is a relative newcomer to the scene, but earns recognition for it’s seismic rise and timing. This is the first year that the Jags defense has been able to carry Bortles from full-time joke status to being someone who’s actually confounding football analysts, and BortlesFacts has perfectly captured this confusion. Could we really be betting on Blake fucking Bortles deep into the postseason?
Honorable Mentions:
@CplMatthews
Long story short, Cpl. Matthews is off-brand Captain Andrew Luck. It’s a funny account, but honestly a bit of a fraud, and Auston Matthews seems way less enjoyable to poke fun at than Andrew Luck. Better luck next year, Big Cat.
@NotBillWalton
Not Bill Walton is so on point that it actually had to lose points in originality. I genuinely could not tell the difference between this account and what I imagine Walton’s real account would look like if he actually ran it day to day. Should be a headliner on next year’s ballot regardless.
All of KD’s Anonymous Accounts
There’s no way a 2017 piece having anything to do with Twitter doesn’t work KD’s fuckery in there somehow, and this is no exception. If you managed to avoid this story, basically Kevin Durant had been running a handful of fake Twitter accounts that he’d been using to come to his own defense when criticized about leaving Oklahoma City. Then, similarly to Skip (Shrimp) Bayless, he forgot to log out of his own account and fired off a tweet from his own perspective on one of his fake accounts, totally blowing his whole plan. I never necessarily said the comedy had to be by design, so maybe if KD can one day laugh at all of this, or God forbid, crack a joke at his own expense, he’ll be worthy of my Hall of Fame.
All in all, the inaugural class of the Parody Sports Twitter Hall of Fame is stout, but that is to be expected in its first year. If GSC hasn’t given me the boot by then, I’ll be back to usher in next year’s class, but until then, how about a round of applause for this year’s Parody Sports Twitter Hall of Fame Class of 2017. If you’d like to see someone on next year’s ballot, tweet at us and let us know. After all, I’m a man of the people.
