Car War: Ode to Houston Traffic and Car Culture
There’s a Dodge Dart in the fast lane…
I don’t think that I can ram it again.
My bumper’s hanging off, and I’m feelin’ kinda light
My Ford Focus won’t win this fight
Car War! Car War!
My bumper flew across the median
Sorry ‘bout your windshield, Ms. Mercedes Benz
My radiator’s smoking; I can’t see anything
That Dodge Dart’s on two wheels, I think
Car War! Car War!
Car War! Car War!
I’m gonna drift*
Across
To 610**
Car-be-cue***
Houston
FIRE men [oh hey!]
There’s a Dodge Dart in the fast lane
My Ford Focus is feelin’ the pain
Wish I had**** a slab car*****, that‘d save the day
Those cool swangas****** would get you outta my way
Car War! Car War!
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
*Drift: I don’t need to explain what a “drift” is. Over the past few years, drifting has been replaced by burnouts (“Si quema, cuh”) and late-night freeway racing (especially during the pandemic) as Houston’s recreational driving trends.
**610: IH610, Houston’s original and innermost freeway loop. Part of it is consistently ranked as one of the worst traffic spots in the U.S. It runs through various Houston neighborhoods, including over the Houston Ship Channel. The view at night from this spot, with flares from surrounding petrochemical plants, is notable. In the late 80s through mid-90s, Houston teens who were old enough to drive but too young to get in most places would go the entirety of Loop 610 for fun.
***Car-b-que: Houston is known for its car-b-ques, especially in summer. You know you’re a Houstonian when you’ve seen 3. Or had one yourself.
****I wish I had a slab car, yes. This unique culture started in Houston. However, the narrator can wish and show respect for this culture without barging in and taking out of it.
*****Slab car culture most recently has been exemplified by Bun B at the 2022 Houston Rodeo.
******Swangas: the super-spoked rims of slabs.
