The Dark Side of Nostalgia

The day is bright; the sun is shining. Birds are singing, and the trees above her are swaying with the wind. She closes her eyes and listens to the water rippling in the lake. He’s beside her, holding her hand, lying on the grass with faces lifted. She opens her eyes; the sky is beautiful. The clouds are cotton-colored white, highlighting the ocean blue above. It is a perfect moment. She wants to live in the moment forever.

But she can’t. And that’s what haunts her.

She has a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. It reminds her, in these perfect moments, that everything is finite. Nothing in this life lasts forever. It sickens her stomach and makes her cry. And that is something in her life that she will never get over.

There is a dark side to nostalgia. It is hearing a song and feeling a deep and wounding pain that you can never, ever, go back to that moment in time again. It is crying of the past, wishing things could return to the way they were, just one day to return. Only one day to go back to how you felt.

It pains her immensely, that she cannot live in the moment. She is already living in the future, yearning for the past. It hurts in the present, more painful than anything she has ever experienced. She wishes it would go away. She wishes someone would understand. She wishes she could travel through time.

Instead, she hides the pain and smiles, turning her head towards him.