Reflections from Our Visions After Violence Fellows
Each fellow in Texas After Violence Project’s inaugural cohort carries with them a sort of a magic, an inexplicable ability to change the air in a (virtual) room. My role in TAVP’s programming has been a dream for 2022, the focus of which is supporting these three incredible individuals. They teach me about what it means to be in community in each meeting we join, each interview I listen to, and each conversation that unearths the once invisible.
While the formal fellowship itself lasts nine months, I carry with me the hope and the joy that our Visions After Violence fellows will continue not only interviewing and steering the work of TAVP, but also and on a grander scale challenging how we see the world around us, before us, and ahead. Below, you can read for yourself what this journey has been like for our fellows (so far).
Fellowship Reflection By Juania Sueños
Stories were a part of my childhood. When I grew up my tias spent hours in a dark room laying on the bed telling stories about people we knew, and about themselves. As I got older I noticed the painful stories tended to be about others as a kind of lesson, cautionary tales, pain was to be avoided. I knew stories were how we understood each other, how we made sense of our lives. When I became a fellow with TAVP, I was eager to have a credential to show people whose stories I wanted access to. Having a bigger purpose for sharing a story, like archiving it as a way to immortalize pain as it happened to us, as it was dealt by oppressive systems of the State, makes the shame attached to it dissipate. During my process of interviewing people, many of whom I grew up with — whose pain I’d witness first hand — I realized that many of us, although aware of the injustices of the net that captured us, still carry guilt. A phrase that stuck with me from the 2nd-wave feminist movement is, “the personal is political.” This fellowship has unraveled this theory as an essential truth in front of my eyes. If I’ve learned anything during this time is the cosmic and State-forced details that link so many stories together. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity of sharing pain not as a shameful event, but as fuel to fight the machinations that have caused us harm. I hope to relieve the guilt and sense of loneliness from interviewees by making this connection a path toward solidarity and hope. It has been an indescribable joy to hear the resilience of gente, to witness the strength of the human spirit and its intent on helping others even after pain and injustice have derailed these lives.
Fellowship Reflection By Alexa Garza
What I can say about the TAVP Fellowship is that I was blessed to be chosen for it. I was apprehensive about the fellowship at first because I did not think I was qualified to even apply. But I sat in on a zoom where TAVP described the duties and I thought to myself “why not”.
The interview was a little nerve-racking (I spoke way too much), but again everyone was so nice. I got selected and everyone welcomed me into the organization.
I met the other fellows and I was flattered to be in such great company. Everyone allowed me to ask questions and to have my time to do my thing. The guidelines were clear and the examples helped. I count myself lucky to be a part of this group. I even wanted to become a staff member.
Sometimes, in these spaces in other groups you feel like an imposter. I never felt that here. I felt lame or not cool enough because these ladies are doing such badass, cool girl shit, that I thought I don’t measure up. But that is on me, not them.
The thing I realized about the TAVP fellowship is that they are more than a nonprofit, more than an organization; they are people that actually care. And that is hard for me to accept sometimes because the majority of people don’t. It’s only when they have use for you that they need you.
The interviews were for me the biggest incentive, a great way to showcase the voice of the ladies. The fact that everyone I contacted (except one) readily agreed to speak on their experience proves that this platform, the digital archive, spotlighting the Texas woman, is important.
We were able to talk, laugh and remember what others will never know or understand. For a moment, we were able to shine a light in a dark place.
We were in an enclave full of stranger sent their by society. I am reminded of a poem I once read. It goes ….
It’s funny when you think of it, the way we got along.
We’d come from different worlds
To live in one where no one belongs.
I didn’t even like them all; I’m sure they’d all agree.
Yet I would give my life for them, I know some did for me.
That is us, coming from different worlds to live in one where no one belongs
Fellowship Reflection By Lovinah Igbani-Perkins
My experience as a Fellow with TAVP has definitely been something not only dear to me, but also rewarding on many levels. To start, before we actually began the fellowship in January, we had a workshop in December that was a total of eight hours. This workshop was conducted over two days and really helped to prepare the Fellows for what was to come. In my opinion, this initial meeting was vital as it gave clarity to so many of the questions I had. During the workshop I was advised on how to do outreach, documentation, follow-up support for my interviewees, and so much more. I felt the workshop was not only informative, but also helped me feel supported. TAVP staff let us know that they would be available throughout the process, which provided me with the reassurance I needed to confidently move forward. Initially, I had some fears and felt insecure, often wondering if I would ruin something or simply be unable to fulfill the tasks as needed. Nonetheless, after the workshop, I knew I would be okay and would no doubt accomplish the assignment.
What I truly appreciated the most, was that I was not just told, that someone would be here to assist me, but they kept their word. For me, it means a lot when agencies keep their word with things and don’t make empty promises. After my first several interviews, the team made themselves available and answered all questions I had. In my opinion, they went above just telling me they were available, they initiated the support. I probably would not have reached out, unless I absolutely had no choice to, simply because I would not have wanted to be a burden or impede on her time. For me, I found it comforting that they took the initiative after my first several interviews, which resolved any anxiety I had in regards to imposing on her time.
During the one-on-one meetings I was able to share my experience from the interview and address any concerns I had. This really helped with my anxiety as some interviews did not go exactly as I had planned. I learned that the interview is about the interviewee and provides them the opportunity to tell their story. I had to unlearn the idea having a personal agenda which could lead to feelings of frustration when that agenda was not adhered to. Adopting this perspective helped me to remain within each moment, rather than focus on if the interview veered in a direction that was different from what I had planned.
Additionally, I liked that we would periodically have cohort meetings. This provided an opportunity to hear how my fellow colleagues were doing and share ideas with one another. I appreciated having the chance to complete a survey halfway through the fellowship. Within the survey, I was able to give feedback to TAVP about my experience and make suggestions to be considered for future fellowships. In my judgment, the organization does great with modeling equity and an inclusive work environment.
For my project, I chose to create a documentary using the interviews. I am currently learning how to edit videos, which is something I have never done. I was provided several resources by the team to assist with this portion of my project. Learning how to edit videos is a skill-set I can use years from now if I decide to do similar projects. If I had to do this fellowship over, I would have done it for free. This has been an enjoyable experience and most assuredly something I have no regrets for investing my time in. For me, being compensated for the meetings and the fellowship indicated that my time was valued by TAVP and I was appreciated. I am looking forward to volunteering in the near future and continuing to use TAVP as a platform to advocate for those serving time in Texas prisons.
