The Long Journey to Self-Acceptance
Coming out trans — after decades of avoiding and resisting
I first wrote this on my Facebook for National Coming-Out Day, on October 11, 2017.
Glimpses
A boy I knew from the block led me to the terrace of my home, where he convinced me to engage in a childish game of sexual exploration.
Something happened during that playful sexual moment that thrilled me and terrified me at the same time. I realized, with undeniable clarity, that what I liked was not what “boys are supposed to” like. Time slowed down, as I tried frantically to process this new information about myself.
It was at that exact moment that my father caught us. Our pants were down, the boy was pressed against my back.
My father’s stern voice mixed with my embarrassed nakedness, with all my conflicting emotions about my discovered self, to metastasize into a paralyzing wave of shame.
I was eight years old.
When I was eleven, we vacationed in Brazil. In Sao Paulo, I saw a tabloid garishly portraying a beautiful girl on the front page, with big block letters, “18 year-Old Undergoes Sex Change.”
I was mesmerized. I stared at the magazine for what seemed like hours. With longing.
