Do You Celebrate or Neglect Your Wins?

Do you neglect your accomplishments? Do you celebrate when you achieve a goal?

I realize I have a bad habit of not celebrating my accomplishments. Either I’ve chosen to downplay them, or to forget/neglect them.

Even my birthday

In the past I often didn’t want to celebrate it, even when it was important for others who wanted to celebrate me.

This morning I opened my Day One Journal. It reminded me on an entry form one year ago today, 29 November, 2016:

Last night I got the best gift of all.
My partner was acting totally cute and congratulating me on receiving my first payment for my coaching services.
I forgot to celebrate the small win, but he remembered. :-)
In his words,
“You’ve worked hard enough for this. You need to take a second or 8 to acknowledge that and be happy.”

Why shy from success?

I am not sure exactly where this comes from in my life. I struggle with this, much more aware that my tendency is to shy away from celebrating my successes.

What comes to mind are the memories of never being part of the team in gym class. I was one of the last picked, and I wasn’t athletic. I never felt good enough in the other boys eyes.

I can see myself standing in line with other boys on the baseball diamond. Two captains choosing one boy after the other, alternating. I’d always be one of the last three.

Maybe this habit comes from being singled out too often, standing alone, trying (but how?) to deflect attention from myself.

This memory reminds me of the dread I had of high school gym class on a rainy day.

Murder ball.

The #1 pick of the lazy gym teacher who wanted to catch a break.

What a horrible, mean-spirited game that was, if you were a teenage boy.

This time I wasn’t piked last, per se, instead I was one of the last picked off.

Scrawny, but quick, I was often one of the last in the circle, darting frenetically to avoid the rubber burn.

I remember the gleam of pleasure in the other boys eyes as they aimed to pick me off as hard as they could throw.

It always hurt.