3 Habits That Will Completely Change the Way You Experience Life

How to unlearn the BS that prevents you from feeling better, performing at your best, and experiencing life better than ever before

“Everything feels out of control.
Every day is filled with fires I need to put out.
I feel so alone and misunderstood.”

Too many of us feel this way.

All I have to say about that is three words: F_ck. That. Noise.

Here’s how I went from being a high achiever riddled with anger and victim mentality to a high performer who leads a life others literally envy (in a good way).

The cause

I was known as a “loose cannon” or a “ticking time bomb.” I’d have loud outbursts of emotion — both positive and negative. I loved and hated so fiercely, you could barely tell the difference between the two emotions.

If I loved you, you were showered with neediness, gifts, and my superman complex. If I hated you, I’d make you feel small with my words. Worst of all, I lived to make people feel stupid.

I convinced myself that my anger was nothing more than passion. But what I know now is that my so-called “passion” was the biggest obstacle hindering my growth as a person. Super healthy, right?! (If you’re unsure, the previous sentence was stated with unmatched sarcasm).

The effect

I spent countless hours exerting my energy, angry at people I loved and strangers alike. I’d stew about all the ways every person in my life did or didn’t live up to my expectations, which forced me into a victim mentality more often than I’d like to admit.

Angry thoughts clouded my mind like a warm blanket I mistook as comfort. I thought my anger protected me from bad things like pain, heartbreak, and mess. But really, what I was doing was blocking myself from experiencing both the bad and the good. I was pushing people away as much as I was “keeping myself safe.”

And what I know now is that my anger and victim mentality fueled poisonous thoughts — thoughts that made me think I had no choice but to live in a constant state of negative emotions like:

• Anxiety
• Fear
• Self-doubt
• Guilt
• Insecurity
• Stress
• Overwhelm
• Burnout
• Procrastination

Quick question: How does a person who lives in constant negativity show up? Like a straight-up a_shole. I walked around weighed down by all the things that “happened to me.” And the following image shows how it affected the way I showed up in my life.

THIS WAS MY TURNING POINT: When I was 26, I was diagnosed with a life-threatening sickness. I won’t get into the details, but during radiation treatment I got into a heated argument with a family member that ended in a screaming match.

I left the altercation livid. I went down my list of contacts to vent to anyone who would listen. I told them how ridiculous my family was being. I talked in circles saying things like:

“How could they do this to me?”

“It’s like they don’t even care that I’m sick!”

“What kind of family would do that?!”

The more I talked about it, the more enraged I would get. And because my body was already compromised from the radiation treatment, I ended up sleeping for 48 hours straight.

THAT’S when it hit me.

My rage drained my energy so much, my body literally shut down and forced me into a deep slumber. I mean, I know the radiation had a lot to do with it. But this was the first time I realized just how much energy it takes to be angry. And that realization completely changed my perspective.

What I know now is that no, my family is not out to get me, nor are they bad people who don’t care about me. It does, however, make sense that I felt that way because I had such victimizing thoughts playing on repeat in my head — thoughts I have since learned how to manage so that I very rarely ever spiral into rage fits.

Everyone has their own series of unfortunate events that teaches them to feel bad about themselves. Sometimes it shows up as guilt or people-pleasing, other times it shows up as victim mentality or burnout. It’s a mash-up of all the bad stuff we end up picking up from our families, personal trauma(s), society, social injustices and inequities, the patriarchy…

Either way, none of it serves us and just prevents us from personal growth — from being the best versions of ourselves.

The Antidote

Here’s the good news: If we can learn to feel bad about ourselves, we can unlearn it, too.

Regardless of all the bullsh_t I had to unlearn, I was always a high achiever. I always worked toward big goals. But all of my poisonous thoughts created such an uphill battle for myself that held me back from enjoying any of it OR exceeding any expectations I had for myself.

That’s why I’m sharing how I unlearned the bullshit by building habits around a simple journaling and reflection practice I call “Brain Dumps” and “The Daily Intention Setter.” Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Slow your roll

The first habit is to practice awareness, so you can slow down your thoughts and actually understand what’s goin’ on in your head.

1. Write down every single thought you have about a specific circumstance that’s causing a problem in your life. And don’t hold back; pour it all out, unfiltered, onto a piece of paper.
2. Go through every sentence you wrote down and separate the facts from your opinion. We often make decisions based on what we believe to be facts but are really just opinions that justify our behavior. Separating the facts vs. opinion is something that will give you immediate relief.
3. Revisit each sentence and ask yourself if the thought serves you. If your answer is “no,” it’s a sign that there’s no upside to continue thinking that thought.

Step 2: Retrain your brain

Now that you’ve dissected each of your thoughts about a specific circumstance causing problems in your life, it’s time to retrain your brain. You know all those thoughts you realized aren’t serving you? Those are limiting beliefs blocking you from seeing a solution or silver lining.

Revisit each sentence and ask yourself:

• How can I reframe this so the thought serves me?
• What new perspective can I bring to see it a different way?

Yes, negative thoughts will almost always infiltrate your brain. But it’s important to remember that you also have the power to think on purpose, to act intentionally. Ask yourself:

• What are the thoughts I want to keep believing?
• What’s another way I can solve this problem?
• How would the best version of myself show up in this circumstance?
• How do I want to be remembered in regards to this scenario?

Try This: Practice Brain Dumps on your own using this worksheet.

Step Three: Fill your cup

Work on believing that things don’t happen to you; they happen for you. Understand that every circumstance is neutral until we assign meaning to it — you can choose whether that meaning is your poison or your antidote.

Remember that the path you choose creates the results you get in your life.

The easiest way to fill your cup is to set your intentions and reflect on a regular basis. I do this every morning and night with the following questions:

Morning

1. The motto I’m gonna live by today is __________________
2. How can I be an example of what’s possible today? To demonstrate excellence? To provide value?
3. What’s a situation that might stress me out today?
4. How would the best version of myself handle that stressful situation?
5. How do I wanna be remembered today? Write down three words.

Night

1. What could I have done better or differently today?
2. What situation or task did I handle well today?
3. What’s something new I realized or learned today?

I also keep a daily log of “Today’s Wins” that I add to throughout my day. I re-read all those wins before bed and before I begin working the next day.

But it’s more than re-reading wins; it’s internalizing them and remembering how each win made you feel.

It’s impossible to feel in control if you never take control. Of course everything feels out of your control when you blame circumstances or people for the way you feel.

Setting your intentions and reflecting on what went well and where you can improve is how you can start taking back your power. You can generate any positive emotion you want by doing these simple daily practices.

You’ll feel better, perform at your best, and ultimately, change the way you experience life.

Try This: Practice thinking on purpose using The Daily Intention Setter worksheet.

The happy e̶n̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ beginning

Once I learned how to make my mind a safe space, my life became better than I could ever dream it to be — in both small and big ways.

Small transformations

I’m less forgetful and experience fewer brain farts. I no longer hold onto sentimental junk or live in a disorganized mess; my bed is always made, and I’m the most minimal and organized I’ve ever been.

I can actually stick to a diet, workout five days a week, and maintain a skin regimen that makes me look younger than I did four years ago. I’m legit the healthiest and hottest I’ve ever been 😉.

I don’t binge-eat, abuse drugs, or overspend to numb the pain anymore. I rarely get road rage, too.

Big transformations

I stopped surrounding myself with people I kept around because of no other reason than, “they’ve been in my life since I was a kid” #loyalty. Instead, I’m loyal with good reason.

I removed all toxic relationships from my life that don’t add any value. I repaired the toxic relationships I wanted to keep by setting healthy boundaries and communicating my needs, thoughts, and feelings in healthier ways. I even turned some enemies into friends.

Because of it, I was able to build the best support system I’ve ever had. I feel constantly surrounded by love, joy, and support from people I know I can count on and vice versa.

I’m in a relationship with the love of my life — a relationship that doesn’t feel like one compromise after the next. It actually feels like we’re in the “honeymoon” period every single day — and no — that feeling has not faded in the four most recent years of our eight-year relationship. (Funny story I won’t get into, but she’s actually my ex-girlfriend, yet another relationship I repaired.)

I stopped settling for less at work. I started asking for the money and promotions I deserved — without feeling righteousness. I’ve made more money in a creative field than I or anyone in my family ever thought I could.

I’ve led a successful career as a copywriter, storyteller, and entrepreneur, featured in publications like Forbes, Business Insider, USA Today, NBC, ABC, Feedspot, and more. I’ve spoken at global conferences like Ad World. And my work has been recognized with awards, including a Peabody nomination.

All of these small and big transformations created a 180 shift in my daily performance — more specifically, the way I show up and how I experience life. And the results my mindshift yielded lit a fire inside of me — a desire to help as many people as possible achieve the same transformations.

It’s why I got certified to be a Life Coach.

I always knew I could be good at anything I set my mind to, but I didn’t know how much more effective and impactful I could be. This article is only the beginning of my life coaching business, Life With Tawny, dedicated to turning high achievers into high performers through one-on-one coaching, as well as low-cost or FREE courses, guides, tools, and resources.

Get early access to resources that will help you unlearn the bs delivered to your inbox by signing up for email updates at the bottom of my website. You’ll also get an exclusive invite to my in-person launch party and first-ever workshop.