Kyle and Quags’ Mascot Pick-Em: Week 10

Picking football games based on reality is hard, that’s why we don’t do it! Picking football games based on a hypothetical battle of their mascots? Now you’re talking.

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That Good You Need

6 min readNov 10, 2016

The only topic that I care about is NFL football. It’s the only thing I think about, the only thing I talk about, the only thing I read about. It’s all there is to me. If someone told me they didn’t care about NFL football, I would be in shock, I would not understand why they didn’t watch NFL football or listen to NFL football on the radio. It is all that matters to me.

Please help.

Browns vs. Ravens

I look at some things and think, “That’s so Raven.” I look at other things and think “That’s not very Raven.”

Kyle: That’s so Raven, (It’s the future I can see), That’s so Raven, (It’s so Mysterious to me). The show wasn’t great, but I had a crush on Chelsea. Raven on the other hand…she was weird then and even weirder now. I don’t really even know what to say about her other than show you this terrifying picture of her

Think she is auditioning for a Rob Zombie movie.

As for the Browns… I’m sick of talking about the Browns. I don’t know what a Brown is, I don’t know what their mascot is, and I got no help from any of the readers last week. I refuse to talk about the Browns.

When you can gaze into the future, life is a breeze… Ravens win.

Quags: Well, the Browns lost again last week, which means my T-Rex theory was obviously bogus. It’s frustrating, thinking you know something is going to happen, getting excited about it, then realizing that no, the thing you thought was going to happen didn’t happen, and the thing that did happen was the opposite of what you thought would happen and ended up disappointing you. Just a strictly football-related thought I had this week after the Browns game.

Anyway Ravens are birds, and they are typically black birds. Black bird was a song, sang by Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney was in a band named the Beatles, who had another song, Yellow Submarine. I always liked that song. There’s no point to this story at all. Like, none. But yeah, the Ravens are definitely going to win.

The ‘You Don’t Know Jack’ Lock of the Week (Giants vs Bengals)

Each week, we have Jack provide us with just one pick we can definitely, surely, without a doubt count on. Maybe.

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Jaguars vs. Texans

Kyle: Don’t have a high opinion of Texans after this election. Hope they get hit by a Jaguar XK this weekend. Jags win.

(I truly wish no harm on any individuals because of their political affiliation. I think. No really, I don’t.)

Quags: Many people think Jaguars are cars that strange, eccentric British people drive but I actually looked into it and was surprised to learn they are, in fact, jungle cats. Who knew!?

Anyway, I know you’re not supposed to mess with Texas and keep Austin weird, and not forget about the Alamo, and to be honest that’s way too much for a jungle cat to remember. I feel like they’ll probably make a weird mistake and get in some kind of trouble. Texans will win.

Nets vs. Suns

Quags: So Kyle took a marketing class in college and they told him to expand his fanbase he should cover new and interesting topics. He suggested we do an NBA game and I was like “fine,” and he said how about Suns vs Nets and I was like “whatever,” and then he kept talking about content marketing opportunities or something but I straight up stopped listening.

Anyway, have you ever been caught in a net? It’s impossible to get out of it. Just look at this scene from the famous movie, “Kung Pow”.