Kyle and Quags’ Mascot Pick-Em Week 12
Picking football games based on reality is hard, that’s why we don’t do it! Picking football games based on a hypothetical battle of their mascots? Now you’re talking.
It’s week 12 in the NFL, and it’s time to give thanks. If I’m being honest, the only thing I’m thankful for in this world is NFL football. That’s legitimately all that I live for. I need it.
Lions vs Vikings
Kyle: Viking was an automobile created by General Motors Oldsmobile Division from 1929–1931. So, it seems like they weren’t in production for very long… Lions on the other hand are BIG cats and I’m pretty sure they still exist today. I mean, they even had a movie made about them. The Lions will outlast the Vikings in what I think will be a zzzZZ of a game.
Quags: This game starts at 12:30, which is right about the time I’ll start gorging myself with appetizers. That will ultimately leave me unable to eat the main courses I’ll be craving later in the day. Vikings got so obsessed with taking over and destroying the lands they immediately encountered (apps) that they never really expanded a sustainable governmental system beyond their immediate reach (main course). Classic short-sightedness from a world power. Lions, as Kyle pointed out, are still around. I’m taking the Lions.
Cowboys vs Redskins
Quags: I’m still watching that Westworld show, and let me tell you, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. There are all kinds of Cowboys in it, but it seems like some of them are robots, but then again it’s kind of making me question what makes them robots and what the difference is between humans and robots. To be honest, I think every cowboy might be a robot, or at least was a robot, and robots seem like they’d probably be pretty good at football. I have at least one example of this.
Yeah, I’m taking the robot Cowboys.
Kyle: Only one way to make your skin red and that is by getting sunburn. Imagine…you got such bad sunburn that they called you Redskin and named a football team after you. I’ve had sunburn before and it is awful. I can’t imagine having it so bad that you looked like a flayed man from Game of Thrones. Someone with sunburn wouldn’t even stand a chance against a Cowboy. Cowboys take down Ramsey Bolton in this one.
The ‘You Don’t Know Jack’ Lock of the Week (Thanksgiving Food Edition)
Each week, we have Jack provide us with just one pick we can definitely, surely, without a doubt count on. Maybe.
Folks, if you’re looking for the elite Thanksgiving food this week look no further than mashed potatoes. Like the New England Patriots, they’re always good, always white, and if your crazy uncle who thinks 9–11 was an inside job tries to pass them to the guest next to you they will 100% be intercepted.
Look, don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of other good Thanksgiving foods. Stuffing is great, as far as bread mixed with celery you stick in the carcass of a large bird goes. Turkey is fine when it’s cooked right and it helps you fall asleep so you don’t have to listen to your relatives talk about politics or god knows what. Rutabagas are actually garbage so don’t bring those up to me or my son ever again. Still, nothing compares to the luxurious fluffiness of mashed potatoes. Drop a spoonful on a slice of turkey and drench it in gravy or use it as an edible mortar to bind ingredients in a Thanksgiving leftovers sandwich. It’s all deadly.
This holiday season I want everyone to enjoy all foods. Seriously. Eat everything. Like whatever you like. But also realize that if you don’t agree mashed potatoes are the best, you are wrong.
Mashed Potatoes Win: Infinity — 0
Colts vs Steelers
Kyle: Steeler? I hardly know her!
Wow, that was a bad joke. I’m terribly sorry that you even had to read that. I got the Pittsburgh Trey Songz finishing their Colt 45 easily, with a funnel, in this one.
Quags: Anyone that knows me knows that if there’s one thing I hate, it’s dad jokes. For that reason, I’m taking the Colts to spite Kyle. C’mon man.
Week 12 Summary:
Kyle: Lions, Cowboys, Steelers
Quags: Lions, Cowboys, Colts
Season:
Kyle: 9–12
Quags: 12–6–3
Jack: 2–3
Good luck to all and remember, don’t bet on sports.
