My Domino’s Year in Review
Get the Door, It’s Happiness
I know, I know, you’ve read 29 and 3/4th articles about the year in review. You’re tired of people having opinions about 2016 and how stupid/good/fine/great/bad it was.
And yet, this year in review will be different. You see, a year is just a moment in time, and time is a flat circle, and that circle is a pizza, and that pizza is from Domino’s. Occasionally that circle might be some specialty chicken, which are really more of a sphere, sure, but that’s the thing about life. It’s just so complicated.
There are 52 weekends in typical a year, but since this year was a leap year, we actually had 53 weekends (I’m pretty sure this is true because I just spent a few seconds googling it). I probably ordered Domino’s, on average, once every 3 weekends or so, right around 18 times this year. Out of those 18 there were good times, better times, and even a few dark, unspeakable times. Since I recognize that you’re all busy people with lots to do, and since there is no way I’m going through my credit card records to try and literally compile my Domino’s Year in Review, here are the highlights of my experiences with Domino’s in 2016.
The Time(s) it Went According to Plan
Much of the time, I ordered Domino’s and it arrived in a reasonable amount of time. Typically, I went for a pie of some kind, (might be thin crust, might be pan, I like to keep them guessing) and the Classic Hot Buffalo Specialty Chicken. I used the Domino’s app, placed my order, and eagerly watched as the Tracker kept me informed about it. Mike placed it in the oven, thanks Mike. Caitlin is checking it for quality, how thoughtful of her. Trevor is on his way with my order, wow, I can’t wait to meet him.
While mundane, these happenings were not unwelcome. After all, the result of this experience was some fresh, piping hot, delicious Domino’s. What a treat! This is what usually happened. Alas, there were many other times.
The Time I Ordered Extra Dominos
Occasionally, I go out in the city with my friends. My pals. My good buddies. When we do this, we often have a few drinks. Nothing crazy, but perhaps enough to feel the effects of alcohol. One of these effects, according to many doctors, is that it “makes it harder to think clearly”.
Flash forward to me returning home after one of these “friend nights” and feeling a little hungry. I open up the Domino’s app and place my order, but something seems off. The deal I’m trying to use just isn’t working! Still, in an effort to be strong and push through difficulty, I make it work. I order my Domino’s. I quickly click through the confirmation screen, what would I need to look at that for, and I wait for my order.
When I go outside to meet the kind delivery person, he hands me the bill. The bill appears to be about double what my order normally costs. This doesn’t add up until I look up and behold something very interesting. It appears the delivery person is giving me twice the number of boxes I usually receive. How interesting! Instead of cause some kind of silly commotion about having enough pizza to last me for the next week, I sign the receipt and bring my double-Domino’s inside. I ate Domino’s for the next 5 days. It was obviously worth it.
The Time Dominos Went to the Wrong House
When you live in the big city like I do, it’s not uncommon to hang out at your friends’ houses, sometimes very late into the night. Occasionally, when it gets late and you’re feeling hungry, you decide to order some food. Makes sense, right!?
One thing I really enjoy about the Domino’s app, by the way, is how easy it is to use. For example, it stores all of the information about your previous orders so that you can reorder things with just a few taps on the screen. Wow, ingenious! Only an idiot or someone that, for whatever reason, was having trouble thinking clearly could screw up this very easy ordering process.
One night in particular, while at a friend’s house, we decided to order Domino’s. As the aficionado in the group, I determined I would handle the ordering process. I quickly selected a previous order, confirmed it, and awaited bliss. When my phone rang 45 minutes later, I walked outside to greet the delivery individual and saw…nothing. It seemed they were at my apartment, several miles away from where I was at the time. Despite a promise from the delivery man that he would find his way to me, he obviously did not, and no one ate Domino’s that night. Those friends don’t speak to me anymore.
Mason, if you’re reading this, please call me.
The Time I Raced the Domino’s Home
While there is no denying the efficiency and speed with which Domino’s arrives at your home, it still takes some time to produce the delicacies they provide. Additionally, it can get busy and be difficult to navigate the big city late at night, with all kinds of folks walking around, running around, or going around. Plus, think about the traffic!
Anyway, in an effort to receive my Domino’s orders in a speedy manner, I often place my order when I am still out with a few friends or pals, before I am actually where I tell Domino’s that I am. I don’t feel bad about lying to Domino’s because I am planning on heading home soon, it’s no big deal. I’m pretty sure if I explained it to them they’d understand.
Once, though, the stars aligned and the celestial sign for Domino’s was actually in concert with the moon patterns of Jimmy Johns, which made all Domino’s orders “freaky fast”. I received a call from the delivery folk that they were outside of my apartment, but my Uber’s ETA wasn’t for another 5 minutes away, and we were stuck in traffic. Obviously, I did what anyone would do, hopped out of the car and began sprinting down 17th street to recover my pizza, all under the guise that I was “just walking down from my room and would be a second.”
I don’t know what the Domino’s employee thought as he witnessed me sprint to him from 3 blocks away, but I know I got my Domino’s.
The Time(s) I Fell Asleep Waiting for Domino’s
While I truly enjoy eating Domino’s at all times, more often than not I place my Domino’s orders very late at night. Some might even call it early in the morning.
For this reason, I am often quite tired when ordering. However, I know that I need Domino’s in my life, and I make it a priority to order it. After making my selection and settling down on the couch to wait for it, I sometimes find that it is 6 in the morning and I have 11 missed calls from a number I do not recognize. How curious!!
Alas, it is true that I have fallen asleep while waiting for Domino’s. I’ve attempted many things to keep myself awake, of which I’ve found the most effective to be simply standing at the counter in my kitchen, refusing to make any of the food I have in the refrigerator, and scrolling through Twitter.com.
There are not many feelings worse than missing out on your Domino’s, and that’s why I am approaching 2017 with a singular New Year’s Resolution. I will be attempting to bring the amount of times I fall asleep while waiting for Domino’s to 0. It is a tall task indeed, and I will need the support of my friends and family, but I think I can do it.
Happy New Year to all. Now get the door, I ordered everything on the menu.
