The Under 30: Cullen Hynes

The Under 30 is a series that explores the lives of the young people around us. Learn more about why we’re doing it here.

Cullen “Cully” J Hynes // 26… allegedly // Chicago Chi Town Chi City The Windy City City of Big Shoulders and Smelly Onions // Account Management Specialist, Baller, Shot Caller, Minimal Dollar(s)

Cullen Hynes As Art: A Series of Haiku

He Knows

Who knows what he knows

A plethora of gossip

No morsel escapes

The Aquarium

We got in for free

Thanks to Cullen’s good looks

Or, really, Old Style

Make It Stop

A brief silence comes

A pause in anguish, torture


Get A Job

Your unemployment

Draining resources, more, more

But then, a new chance

But in the End

Sure, a goon of sorts

At times, quite unbearable

And truly a great friend

Straight From the Source

What’s your Favorite Hobby?

That’s an interesting question. I’m pretty active and I like being outdoors and playing sports and people watching. I play men’s league soccer, softball, flag football. I enjoy drinking adult beverages with a few good pals. I like writing so cash me o[n That Good You Need]. I like long soulful walks on the beautiful Chicago beaches and also laying on a couch and spanking competitors in Words With Friends. Add me.

What’re you most proud of?

That’s an interesting question. I am an Eagle Scout and I guess that’s cool to say now but it definitely was not cool to say 6 years ago. I ran my first triathlon last year and I’m pretty unabashedly proud of that. Still need to get a bumper sticker to prove to all the babes that I’m an #athlete. I’m proud of the friends and people that I’ve been lucky enough to surround myself with. I’m shocked they continue to tolerate my antics but honored that they’ve stuck with me.

Where do you hang out?

That’s an interesting question. I wasn’t lying when I said I like my couch. The other night I got home from work, turned on a sports match, and fell asleep. I woke up and it was dark out and I had no idea what year it was. I am blessed to have an outstanding corner bar no more than 400 feet from my front door. They have free popcorn, weekly trivia, and Touchtunes®. If you know me, you know that’s a dangerous combination.

What would your ideal job/career be?

That’s an interesting question. I recently, as you will all soon learn (dramatic music), found a new job and career direction which I am very excited about. On day 1 they actually asked us, as an ice breaking activity, to talk about our dream job and I said Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives guest host. I’d be way better than that poser punk Hunter.

What’s the best advice you would give?

That’s an interesting question. I actually have a carefully curated list that I store on my phone but I’d be honored to share them with you. They are a work in progress, it is very much a living document, and they are not necessarily in any particular order of importance…or are they?

1) Never order an even number of shots

2) Expectations low, goals high

3) Everyone deserves a good cry sometimes

4) You’re gonna die anyway so you might as well enjoy it while you’re here

5) Don’t walk slow, talk slow, or drive slow

6) Can’t get hungover if you never stop

7) Best way to detox is to retox

8) white wine is for fat people and pregnant women

9) you don’t need a lot of friends, but you best know who they are when you need them.

What do you wish you did more of?

That’s an interesting question. I definitely wish I saw my friends and family more. It’s tough living so far away from a lot of my closest friends, but we keep in touch, and every so often Blake will make me wish we lived even further apart. I wish I was more active and adventurous. I’m pretty spontaneous on my own, and usually down to clown for whatever, but life is short and my bills are long. Every summer I tell myself I’m gonna visit ___ or eat at ____ but it rarely comes to fruition. I want to make a really long bucket list that will be half Andy Dwyer from Parks and Rec and half Edmund Hillary. I also really do not eat as many vegetables as I should.

Why didn’t you make Forbes 30 Under 30?

Absolutely 1000% did not deserve it

You can keep up with Cullen here.