Square One
When I was younger, I thought I was born to stand out. I thought I was made of steel, built to stand firmly against the storm. Despite all my shortcomings, I thought life was all about to dare greatly, aim higher, and expand my comfort zone. I used to wonder what was it like to know what’s inside other people’s mind-space. When I was younger, I thought all there is to life is to acquire endless achievement. When I was younger, turning myself as the center of gravity sounds so much like an idea.
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It turns out, there is more to life than myself. When I lost my father, I realised a piece of me was gone as well. It turns out, I am made of my father’s unfailing love, hard work, and generosity — all the things I would never be able to pay back. Within each passing day when I managed to pull through, I realised I survive yet another day because of my mother’s untiring prayer, unconditional love, and patience. Looking back, being around my family felt so ordinary, yet I realised there is no single thing that can turn home like a safe haven like their presence. At times when the world felt like it was about to fall apart, I learn that it is my friends who carry me, sorting pieces by pieces of my life journey to remind me why I could still be strong.
All these things never look like a big deal when life throws me a party. All these things look so much like it is meant to be mine, in spite of anything.
It took a long and windy road to realise that, I am made of unfailing love from people who do not give up on me. I am everything that I am because of them. I was born clueless and they lit a path for me to have the freedom to unravel and decide on my own. I grew up experiencing all sorts of unfamiliarity, and they spread their arms to embrace my fear, angst, and anxiety. They help me untangle my bewilderment, fence my bottled up emotion, and taught me to take a breath. They embrace me with so much love that I became incapable to grow hatred. They are an ocean of compassion and they made me always see the best in people, have faith in their kindness.
Today I got the luxury to learn that it is my turn to shift the narrative of my life from myself. To look around and remember the names whose kindness has touched my life. To share the abundant love I receive to every soul I got the pleasure to know. To harness the wisdom to never stop learning from every mind I got to know better. To savor all the ordinary, sometimes dull, things in my life, knowing that abundance is at my fingertips, and only with so much gratitude I would ever comprehend its meaning.
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It is inevitable to feel inadequate over what is not ours, to be infuriated of what is opposite to our values, to get insecure for what we have yet to achieve. But I hope with each passing day I would still carry the spirit to be content with the present moment, to never give up finding a glimpse of hope and sharing the grip of it with those around me.
To all beautiful souls who never give up on me, whom I got a chance to know albeit briefly, and those whom I have yet to meet,
thank you for being born into this world and having your path crossed with mine.
