I Got a Spinal Cord Stimulator for Chronic Back and Neck Pain

“Do you understand why you’re here?” the psychiatrist said, glancing up from his notepad.

He was my age. Well-coiffed. Attractive, even with the impending bald spot.

I nodded. “Yeah, because the doctor is going to put a battery in my ass.”

Startled, he blinked before bursting into laughter.

“I, uh… I don’t think I’ve ever heard a spinal cord implant be described that way before,” he said, continuing to chuckle.

I grinned, unrepentant. Chronic pain isn’t fun. Might as well find the humor when and if I can.

Insurance companies will likely make you see a shrink before receiving a medical device implant.

In my case, a battery was inserted into my flank and the wire (AKA “the lede”) ran parallel to my spinal column.

Exhibit A, also illustrating my cervical fusion.

The pain psychiatrist showed me what the actual unit looked like, where it would be placed, and what to realistically expect. For instance, if I could use the SCS and still take all my normal pain medications, but was pain-free, my doctors would consider that a success.

(I asked the company rep if my husband could still spank me once the battery was placed. He said the device should withstand direct spanking.)