Man, 34, Drowns in Consultant Speak

New York, NY — Police divers have recovered the body of a man in the Hudson River, believed to be that of 34 year old New York resident Joe Leighman. Friends and family of the dead man say he drowned in consultant speak Thursday morning.

Leighman, originally from Poughkeepsie, had earlier this week engaged the services of a Management Consulting firm to help on his project to feed underprivileged children in New York City.

“He told me they were recommending a thorough systems analysis to engage with the indicator assumptions underpinning the initial complexity of his foundational struggles,” Leighman’s mother Susan told reporters.

“He was worried about how best to feed poor kids, but they kept telling him he should be concerned with the high uncertainty of the desired results from product-focused outcomes involving diverse stakeholders.”

Leighman’s family are hoping their personal tragedy will encourage others to think twice before accepting the offer of help from consultants they encounter, even if highly qualified. Leighman’s mother said all consultants her son found had at least a BS in Communications.

“I think he was just enchanted by a really pretty pitch deck they showed him. He told me it was ‘shiny’. And it had pictures! Who wouldn’t want something like that?”

People suffering under consultant speak are encouraged to seek help from non-profit support group Consultant’s Peak 0n (212) GET HELP.