My Unglamorous side or you can say this is the dark side of my story.
Behind this paragraphs of text is me. You can’t see me but you can read me. Despite staying positive and spreading all the happy messages around, I am not that cheerful, happy-go-lucky guy you think I am.
I am just an average 20 year-old — not very confident, but learning to. I wish to be an icon, a well-known figure, someone who will inspire. Yet, I lack all these qualities a role model possesses.
To people who know me, I am a hard worker, workaholic, “takes initiatives”, perfectionist, law-abiding and a “good friend to have around”.
To my family, I am a creative, straightforward, “demanding at times”, Kaypoh (busybody) being.
To me, I am just me. Normal. Ordinary. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. Trying to help others if I can. A bit stingy… and that’s me — An imperfect person.
There will always a be a part of us that we hate and I am not an exception. I hate my eyes. I hate my smile. I hate how I look. I hate how I sound. I hate almost everything about me.
However, I learn to compromise and now I accept me for me because I am unique… Or am I? Sometimes I really wonder why I wish I look like someone else when I actually love how I look deep down inside. (Sometimes…)
Is it because of this dark social media that exists around us? The undeniable fact that we are haunt by advertisements to look like the model with flawless skin. The hidden truth that attractiveness for a guy is associated with masculine and to have this trait, you have to sign up for that 1 year gym membership? (But good for me, my gym membership is Free of charge :P …. for now… you don’t need to know why. )
True enough, social media today crafts an illusion that certain features are superior over others. For instance, I want my eyes to be bigger so that I won’t be call the “Asian eyes” in the America’s context.
Apart from physical appearance that people tend to get too emotional, the way we behave and act in public, crafts our image. And this is another thing I hate about myself because I follow the rules too much, so much that I force others to abide by the rules so as to uphold their “image”. I am quite an “old-school” guy and I have not much friends, okay… Oh. There goes another leaked secret.
Sometimes, following whatever the book says is driving me crazy. I never like to bend the rules because I don’t wanna get into trouble. Is it wrong? To others especially those who break the conduct of code, they will find me irritating because they are the ones getting into trouble. And because of this, I always get sterns around.
“Will you just stop being so law-abiding?”
“If you are gonna follow the rules again, then you will get it from me if I see you break any rules…” (pshhhh… this is what I call “BULLY” !!! But I just ignore them, and you should too if you encounter the same situation.)
As much as I want to close one eye to cover up for others, I know it’s wrong. Morally Destructive! Luckily, I have a superwoman around… Cos the moment I find something amiss…
“Mom!”
Yeah. who will I approach? My mom…. and maybe that’s why I got a nickname “Mother’s boy”…
Why am I such a @#*!& !!
So now you know my dark secret — I hated myself. Even though I have lots of regrets for how I behave — like how I didn’t care about my attire during PROM night and end up getting mock by others (The looks on their face was sufficient to indicate how much they despise me…)
Just know one thing — You are who you are. Others can never replace you for who you really think you are. All the best :D:D:D
And till we meet again !! :)
