… to bid Farewell every week

For the sake of Conscript-ion, I have to overcome the rejection deep inside. Every week, the same thoughts reappear in my mind:

I don’t want to leave home. I want to stay here forever. I don’t want to be enclosed in an area where people punish you for every movement you make. I don’t want to live like a prisoner. There’s no freedom. Only when you seek for permission and they are in good mood, then you are allow to scratch. When they are unsatisfied with anything, they would create havoc among us . Only when blood appears, will they stop their harsh punishments…

I just wanna get out of there!!

At the same time, another part of me starts to fret over the problems my family is facing…

The worry if everyone in the family is doing well.

The fear that someone may hurt my family.

The fear that this may be the last time seeing them.

I wish to be by their side. I don’t mind eating the same food everyday. I would be glad to listen to the sharing from the elders regardless of how much they have repeated the stories over and over again. I’m totally fine, even if all electronic devices are confiscated. At least, there’s books for me to read all day. At least, there’s still interaction and bonding with all my family member.

I just cherish every moment when I’m back with them. I hated the time when I have to fall asleep because the next day is gonna be the time for me to bid farewell. If they ever know that hidden smile and the quick farewell, I was only holding back my tears. It’s just the start of missing them so so so so so much…