The Unknown
A Personal Essay by Ethan Scheibe
Ihave some experience with the unknown. I have some experience with the immobilizing truth that I may never know what’s awaiting me. My reality is shaped by the fear, respect, and fierce determination that consumes me when making the incomprehensible decisions. Decisions that sacrifice the self, in hopes for a greater whole. This has been my story. A story in which I wrote the title, but will never see the beautiful, demanding, rewarding, and unpredictable narrative until it has been written. No foreshadowing, glimmers of hope, or knowledge of the future, until it is completed.
I made a decision that will begin a mysterious journey. A decision that for six years, it will be filled with fear, challenge, reward, and heartbreak. Enlisting in the Air Force will take me far and wide to countries such as Kuwait, and Germany. The Air Force will impose its rich culture of discipline and rigor as I endure Basic Military Training. It will provide me with a select population of people with the same goal, to serve for the U.S. military. A populous that focuses on the whole rather than the self, containing less than half a percent of U.S. citizens, and a branch that makes up twenty-four percent of the armed services. But most importantly, it will provide a feeling of honor every single time I salute the flag I swore to defend.
However, the Air Force will also be the most unforgiving piece of my life. I know the risk. I know the rates and numbers. I know that within the last decade, upwards of 18,000 deaths have been caused due to deployments. 18,000 of America’s best, gone at the hands of enemy combatants, and even themselves. Upwards of 1.2 million members of the armed forces have been deployed in 2019 alone, sent all over the world. It has the potential to rip everything away from me. It can take me out of my home, take me away from my family, and even take me away from my significant other. These thoughts accumulate due to the reckless nature of the world. We live in a hurting world, in which our reality is shaped by a crippling pandemic. We live in a broken world where we oppress and murder those with different skin tones. Where police brutality is evident more than ever. We also live in a damaged world where our response to all the hate is to riot in the cities we hold close to our hearts, burning establishments to the ground. Where deploying forces like the National Guard have become second nature. If called, I will have seventy-two hours to report, whether it be domestic or abroad. Seventy-two hours, filled with quality time, assuring my loved ones that I will come back safe. That I will see them very shortly, and that everything is going to be fine.
However, I will know that deep down I can never promise anything. I cannot promise a safe return. There are simply too many variables that can affect who I am. If only I knew. If only I knew the deployments, the tragedy, and the loss that could be awaiting. I can try, but I will never be able to see what is to come. It will never set me at peace.
All of this for one thing: To serve in the United States Military. To be a part of something truly bigger, and greater than myself. To sacrifice who I am, and what I have for the sake of those around me. This is what provides me with the motivation to navigate the taxing deployments and missions ahead of me. With so much that is not known, there are few things that I will know. I will forever be proud of the decision I made. I will never regret signing my name, and raising my right hand. I will never regret the words spoken in my oath. That I will defend and protect the constitution of the United States of America. These are the things that will forever outweigh any challenges that may reveal themselves to me. Any surprises that pull me from the happiest of moments, and place me somewhere far away from those I love.
