The 5 Gifts of Rejection

“I choose me, so I am already chosen.”- Dr. Mauri de Govia

No one likes to be rejected. The experience of being denied, unseen, or the sound of the word “no” can conjure up the greatest of all self- doubting emotions. It can bring into question one’s worthiness, mattering, and value. These doubts are heightened when the dynamics of the relationship between the Rejecter- the deliverer of the rejection; and the Rejected- the receiver of the rejection are examined. For example, one’s ability to accept rejection for a job promotion may be more resilient than engaging the rejection of a significant other. Furthermore, things get more complicated when one realizes that they are their own biggest Rejecter, and therefore, a point of attraction for the rejection of others. Ouch! The good news is rejection offers the Rejected an opportunity to create meaning and solidify an interpretation that results in greater possibilities over limitations. The following 5 gifts of rejection illuminate rejections’ potentiality as a protector, the proof of one’s mattering, a wake-up call, the magic of re-interpretation, and a space for creating. As you unwrap each gift of rejection consider possessed beliefs that govern how denial and “no” impact your relationship with rejection and what you would have to shift in order for it to be the gift that it is.

1. Rejection is the gift protection. You are living your life as only you could. What is designed for you, you will have and experience. This intentionality is at play to ensure that all things, experiences, and people are working for your greater good. Yes, it is true. The speeding ticket you couldn’t talk your way out of getting, the hater at work who is on a promotion sabotaging mission, and your poor budgeting decisions that made you say yes to unreasonably priced gifts in spite of your committed budget because it was Christmas are all working on your behalf. They send red flags to your heart, mind, and spirit. They signal that something is short circuiting; in other words it lets you know that something is amiss and not working. When this happens self-preservation kicks in and rejection operates as a protective mechanism designed to ensure you are safe and well. Rejection provides protection as the inconveniences of traffic court or high credit card bills will redirect your behaviors and protect you from what is undesirable. Similarly the unattained job promotion operates in the same vein. That work was not going to serve your greater good, and hence you were protected from what would not work for you.
2. Rejection is the gift of mattering. When one faces rejection, their interpretation of the experience as well as the story they choose to narrate about the rejection is a mirror reflection of their beliefs about their mattering. The concept of mattering highlights what one chooses to understand about their presence, value, and existence in given spaces. When a person knows and understands that they matter, they engage rejection as a quest or a game that they get to win. They know the grace of alignment, and they know that their mattering ignites spaces. These plays position the recipient of the rejection to choose where they will reside in the arena. Are they on the court? On the sidelines? Or in the stands? They know that they matter, so their commitment often drives them to the court. Here, they can powerfully play out their life. In this game, the recipient keeps pushing until they get a “yes”. The Rejected knows that a situation or a person does not grant them permission or allow them to live in their chosen vision. They understand that the Rejecters are non-factors who have no say in their mattering. The Rejected who understands this idea positions him/herself to win powerfully at the game of life. They know they matter and that’s all that matters.
3. Rejection is the gift of a wake-up call. This gift is for the Rejected who take a long time to “get it”. The ones who are stubborn and remain steadfast believing that something that is not for them really is for them. Being rejected is a wake-up call to change direction or move forward. However, that only happens when the Rejected accepts and acknowledges being denied. The new door will unlock and open when the wake-up alarm is heard. Therefore, the Rejected must be able to hear and listen for the offering that the alarm is signaling. The choice to remain deaf to the alarm positions the Rejected to cycles of repetitious non-conducive experiences and behaviors that shut down possibilities in their life. If resistance is present, so is the detrimental repetition. It is recommended that you abandon and let go of the resistance. Lastly, discernment plays a big role in being able to hear the wake-up call. If you are hearing fear, doubt, or uncertainty in the face of a reality that is clearly not for you, know that you are listening from a space of resistance and no possibilities exist there. Walk over to the other side where the wake-up call sounds like hope, light, and a new idea because you are anchored in the reality of the denial or the “no”, and you are now ready for rejection to be the gift of re-interpretation.
4. Rejection is the gift of re-interpretation. The Rejected is in an extremely powerful position when faced with the sting of rejection. They are the interpreter and meaning maker of the rejection. What they believe and say the rejection means gives life to the impact of the rejection and how it plays out in their life. The Rejected also has the responsibility to ensure that their interpretation falls into the “this serves me-this works for me” category in the governance of their life. Failure to do so can lead the Rejected down a path of being denied, unseen, and dismissed. This gift offers the Rejected the possibility to choose a re- interpretation that serves and works for their greater good. This gift is a check on self- love and how the Rejected nurtures him/herself when hit with rejection. It is recommend that the Rejected use the following 5 steps to activate re-interpretation:

Step 1: Acknowledge and name the rejection.

Step 2: Define the rejection. What does the rejection mean to the Rejected?

Step 3: Answer: What else could the rejection mean beyond the initial definition? (Ask/Answer 3x)

Step 4: Answer: What definition will you choose? Make sure the definition works for you.

Step 5: State the re-interpretation of “the rejection” and name what it means.

Rejection as the gift of re-interpretation restores power and life to the Rejected as he/she is the ultimate narrator of his/her life. The power embedded in the thought “I get to say what this is and it is (blank)” ignites choice, ownership of one’s story, and a reminder to Rejected person that they get to be responsible for their life regardless of the actions, statements, or thoughts of others.

5. Rejection is the gift of creating. Rejection can be experienced as a stop sign, a dead end road, and the most affirming “no” that a person can hear. The good news is that endings also signify a new beginning. This is the moment where rejection becomes the gift of creation. It lets the receiver know that the possibility that they were considering is no longer possible. How exciting is that? Now the receiver has new choices to make. One could choose to lament over their rejected state questioning why as they engage solicited supporters in their sorrowful tale of being denied or they can use this newly acquired space to create. Creating re-engages the recipient in the world of possibilities. The clearly defined past sets the recipient up to play big and create a brand new thing because they know what is no longer available. The world becomes a blank canvas and as the artist and curator of their life, the Rejected gets to add color, lines, images, and scale to their life. Creating is what humans were designed to do. So when faced with rejection, ask yourself, “What will I create?” and then go do it.

As you can see, rejection is a gift to those who are willing to unwrap it as such. It offers the Rejected an opportunity to be protected, matter, wake-up, re-interpret, and create. It’s a possibility disguised as a limitation; and the decision to see it that way is up to the discerning Rejected who declares, “I choose me.”