My child was diagnosed with Autism…Now What?
If you just received your child’s autism diagnosis, you no doubt are struggling with an overwhelming and confusing barrage of emotions. Did I do something wrong? How did this happen? Will my child be okay? What will happen to them after I am gone? Will they ever find love? I remember these questions and many like them rushed my mind after I received my daughter’s initial diagnosis at 20 months of age. Having very little to no knowledge of Autism, my mind drifted to the worst-case scenarios and I felt the panic of a mother feeling helpless and confused. If this sounds all-too-familiar to you, I want you to know that these feelings are absolutely normal and it is okay to feel confused, frustrated, upset, and even distraught.
When I first learned of my daughter’s diagnosis, I went through a grieving process of the future I had imagined for my child that had suddenly seemingly vanished. There are those who may mock grieving of the diagnosis but it is really rather cathartic, wholly natural, and even necessary in order to prepare you to be the best parent you can be for your child. According to the University of Washington Counseling Center, “Grieving such losses is important because it allows us to ‘free-up’ energy that is bound to the lost person, object, or experience — so that we might re-invest that energy elsewhere. Until we grieve effectively we are likely to find reinvesting difficult; a part of us remains tied to the past.” So go ahead, grieve, and then roll up your sleeves and get to the hard but rewarding work of parenting a child on the spectrum.
So where do you go from here? First off, disclaimer, I am not a doctor or medical professional so please always discuss recommendations with your child’s physician first. What I can tell you is what worked for me! If you are in the United States and your child is 3 and under, check your local public school system for their Infants & Toddlers program. You will likely qualify for home visits and assistance from their occupational, speech, and physical therapists free of charge! My daughter was even able to get an audiology test free through this program. If your child is older than 3, I believe they have an additional program as well so ask about what resources they may be able to provide you. Next, make sure you find a social support network!
I have found through my experience that social support systems are critical at the beginning as others can offer you resources, guidance, and a place to feel safe to just vent. Social media like Facebook have plenty of social networks available to you so I encourage you to explore those. I also run a monthly virtual hangout (Parenting Autism Virtual Club) for those of you who prefer video chatting with other parents of autistic children. Seek out resources in your local community. Through a little digging, I discovered there was a parent group that met in person in my county, so explore your town and see what’s available to you!
Lastly, educate yourself as much as possible on Autism Spectrum Disorder. Anxiety tends to be fueled by fear of the unknown, so the more you know about it the easier it will be to tackle! A book I highly recommend and was given to me by my daughter’s Speech Language Pathologist is “More than Words” by Fern Sussman (paid link).
This book was particularly helpful when my child was nonverbal — I’m happy to report that after following the techniques of this book she is no longer nonverbal, so consider giving it a read!
Ultimately, the most important things to focus on immediately after diagnosis are truly having patience with the process, finding a support system, and educating yourself on Autism to help ease your concerns and prepare you to best assist your child. Also please remember, your child is exactly who they were before their diagnosis. A formal diagnosis has not transformed your child, they are still the same perfect little baby you held in your arms when they were born. Love your child dearly, please do not try to “cure” them of autism, but rather accept them for who they are and do all you can to best prepare them for their futures.
You are not alone in this.
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References:
Healthy grieving. (n.d.). Retrieved September 10, 2020, from https://www.washington.edu/counseling/resources-for-students/healthy-grieving/
