SHE SAYS… Does sleeping with women change the way a woman has love, sex and relationships with men?

As a member of the LGBTQ community, I get this question a lot. I used to answer with a raging HELL NO! Now, not so much. As I’ve grown and matured into who I am as a woman I can honestly say that being bisexual does change the way a woman has love, sex, and relationships with a man in some ways.

Let’s start with love. I always believed that love had no gender, no race, no religious affiliation, no socioeconomic status, and no nationality. Love just is. It’s fluid. It changes based on those who are exhibiting its traits. That being said, the way that a woman loves a man and the way that same woman loves a woman is different. I find that is easier for a woman to love a woman. Men are an entirely different species. Their needs are different and can be foreign to most women. Most men need to feel nurtured without feeling mothered. You have to guide when they are going astray while allowing them to believe that they are the ones doing the leading. They want you to be their best friend, cheerleader, little freak, and backbone while making them feel strong. As a bisexual woman, I can say that sleeping with women has changed the way I love men. It has made me more patient as women have a tendency to get in their feelings a lot. It has made me stop and listen. Not to the words that are coming out their mouths but to the pauses in their speech, their body language, and the emotion in their eyes. Sleeping with women has made me more in touch with how I present myself in relationships. Am I being too curt? Too brash? Too insensitive? To put it bluntly, sleeping with women has made me better at loving men.

Sex. My favorite topic. Obviously sex with a woman is way different than sex with a man. We’re not working with the same equipment. Sleeping with women requires imagination and a sense of adventure. I learned what I liked and how I liked it by being with women. Being bisexual has definitely spiced up my sex life with men. It has made me more assertive. I’m not afraid to say what I want and how I want it. I have no problem breaking out my toys to add another layer of excitement to my love life. I am shameless. Sleeping with women has changed my sex life with men for the better. I am now willing to try anything once, twice if I like, and a third time just to be sure.

Lastly, we have relationships. Men and women both want the same thing. They want to be loved, adored, respected, and put before anything else. #BAE. I wouldn’t say that sleeping with women changes the way a woman has a relationship with a man. It doesn’t make it easier. It doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t give you some magical insight to the complexities of the human experience. Relationships are damn hard. Successful, healthy, and fulfilling relationships have nothing to do with what gender you sleep with. They have everything to do with the person you’re with and your own personal baggage.

So, does sleeping with women change the way a woman has love, sex, and relationships with a man? Being bisexual doesn’t really change the who you’re in a relationship with. It changes who you are in the relationship. The answer is as complex as love itself.