SHE SAYS… Do sex toys add excitement to relationships? Or do they send the message that your partner doesn’t think you can satisfy them?

Most of the men I’ve talked to feel that if their woman brings in a sex toy it is because they are not satisfying their woman. To that I say, man up. Not everything is about you, boo. Not all women use toys in the relationship to satisfy a need that you aren’t fulfilling. In fact, toys are usually brought in for two main reasons: to add excitement or as a learning tool.

Let’s be honest. After a while, sex with the same person day after day can become boring. You find yourself going through the motions and thinking about how many loads of laundry you can get done before you go to sleep while striving for that orgasm. Sex toys can liven things up. I’m not saying have your man swing from a chandelier but a small vibrator can take your ordinary sex life and make it something spectacular. Sex toys can make everything feel new again. Remember when you and your man first got together? The spontaneity and the adventure. Everything was fresh and exciting. Every sexual encounter was passion filled because you were learning each other. You can recapture that with vibrators, butt plugs, dildos, swings, or whatever else tickles your pickle. All you have to do is be bold and tell your mate what you want.

Most women cannot achieve an orgasm during sex with their partner. However, these same women can reach climax with a sex toy. Why is that? They haven’t taught their partner what they like. As women, most of us like for a man to take control but then get upset when he doesn’t do things the way we like them. Communication is key. You can’t expect him to automatically know what you want if you don’t tell him. Now, you can tell your partner all day long what you want but if you still find yourself rolling your eyes in the dark, then it might be time for a show and tell. Some of us are visual learners. That’s where sex toys come in. Use these toys to learn what you like and show him how to touch you to make you feel good. Do you feel like your tastes are off the wall? Ease him into your world of kink gently with sex toys. Be fearless. Be shameless. Be loud about your needs. Life is too short to be faking orgasms.

So, do sex toys send the message that your partner isn’t satisfied without help? The answer is a resounding hell no. Toys are tools. They can spice up a dull love life, help partners explore different sexual planes together, and discover what each other likes. Now, I’m not saying to make it rain dildos. All I’m asking is for you to keep an open mind and be unapologetic about your needs. With that mindset and few battery operated toys, you can make it rain orgasms in bedroom.