SHE SAYS… Should bad sex be a relationship killer?

Hell yes! I refuse to spend my life rolling my eyes in the dark. End of article.

Okay, obviously I have a lot more to say. Sex is the ultimate form of expression. You are giving your body and your essence to another person. So, let’s unpack this.

The questions were: How would you handle a lover that was smelly, sucked in bed, had a microscopic penis or a vagina big enough to drown you? What if you had no sexual chemistry with your partner… but you love everything else about them? Would you try to teach them, bathe them, try to fix the situation, cheat or send them packing?

  1. Smelly lover. Not in my house (Mutombo voice). We’re going to talk about his/her lack of hygienic responsibility. You will not get your funky butt in my bed and think you’re going to roll on top of me. I’m not having it. Honestly, out of all of these, this is probably the easiest to solve. All it takes is a little communication, hot water, and some soap.
  2. Sucked in bed. Honestly, there is no easy way to deal a person who doesn’t know what they’re doing. It’s even worse if that person thinks they are the god of laying pipe or goddess of eating cookie. I’ve been in this situation before. It’s never fun. You have to be upfront with it. There’s no gentle way to tell someone that they suck as sex. Treat it like a band aid and rip the damn thing off. Once you’ve done that then you can try to teach them how make you feel good. Now, let’s be honest. Some people are not going to listen regardless of what you say or how you say it. Most of the time they will reference all of their exes who say that they were the best they ever had. (Side note: this is why I say that y’all are doing no favors by lying to people about their sexual skills.) If you’re partner is willing to listen, then stay and stick it out. If they aren’t, then leave because your relationship is doomed. Communication is key in a relationship. If you aren’t able to successfully communicate in the most intimate of settings, then chances are you are not able to successfully communicate in other areas of your relationship.
  3. Microscopic Penises and Big Vaginas. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done about either of these. Either you can accept it, bring toys into the bedroom to help add excitement, and learn how to find pleasure in spite of these obstacles, or you can leave. Just to be clear, micro penises and big vaginas need love too.
  4. No Chemistry. Picture this. You love your partner. You have fallen in love with them. They are everything you could have ever wanted. You waited for six months and you finally have sex and….you realize you have more chemistry with a sack of potatoes. Now, I always say that it’s best to have sex with your partner when you’re ready but to at least try something once you realize it’s getting serious. That’s how you avoid situations like this! But, we’ll discuss that in a different article. So, what now? You don’t want to leave because you’re attached but you are unhappy because you don’t feel anything emotionally when you’re intimate with your partner. Well, first you need to figure out if you really are in love with the person or in love with the idea of being with that person. If you are truly in love with your partner then discuss your issues with them. Seek help from a professional. Try to fix it. Love is too rare these days to give up without a fight. However, if you aren’t in love, then talk to your partner and leave. There is no need to waste time.

Can bad sex be a relationship killer? Yes, but only if you let it. There are ways to fix bad sex and it all starts with communication. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER! Life is way too short to be faking orgasms, y’all. Be open, be honest and be yourself.