Accepting My Asexuality Is A Marathon, Not a Sprint

Vena Moore
The Ace Space
Published in
9 min readMay 31, 2024

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I’m finally at the point where I can say I like being ace.

Photo by Delia Giandeini on Unsplash

When I ended my last intimate relationship nine years ago, I didn’t know I’d embark on a journey where I would decenter men. I just felt relief that I no longer had to put up with my ex’s abuse.

The mountainous weight of being a dumping ground for his endless well of unpleasant emotions as well as navigating his mercurial moods lifted when I cut ties. Additionally, the end of the relationship lifted the burden of having sex with him when I didn’t want to as I considered it an unpleasant chore.

My discovery of asexuality

I initially figured I’d find someone else to date and start the merry-go-round over again. After all, I’d been conditioned to believe that I had no worth unless I was partnered. However, months went by without me feeling any desire to date. One day, during downtime at work, I surfed the internet and stumbled upon the AVEN website, which stands for the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network.

The very definition of asexuality, which is of a person who does not experience sexual attraction, literally shook me because I’d never cared for sex with any of the men I ever dated, including my ex. I never understood why the experience that got everyone else hyped up…

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Vena Moore
The Ace Space

Dismantling white, male supremacy one word at a time.