Finding Out You’re Demiromantic in Your Late Thirties

I knew of the aromantic side of queerness by my late twenties. But at 37, I finally have a term for my proclivity and wonder why we don’t discuss the aro spectrum more.

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Hi, I’m Rachel. I’m an alternative woman from The Bronx now residing in LA, a crazy toad lady and now a monitor lizard mom, and I’m officially out as one of the A’s in LGBTQIA+.

I came of age at the turn of millennium. “Gay” was a common insult thrown around among my peers and transphobia was par for course.

You were also expected to have lots of sex because that’s what Cool Edgy Younglings do, but if you were a girl you were also shamed for having too much sex with [arbitrarily] too many people.

Even in subcultural circles, this shit happened. I found the punk and metal scenes were shockingly sex-negative and slut-shaming at points. Oh, the memories of guys at thrash shows saying “You did that with my friend, so why not ME?” Because transitive property is for eighth grade algebra class, not sex, you dumbass.

Proclivity just wasn’t something that was discussed. Even among the queer people I hung around with at the time, those talks and difficulties with self-discovery were…