‘Slow’ (2023) -A Review
A sensuous dive into intimacy and conflicting desire cultures
Marija Kavtaradze’s film embodies its title, exploring an unconventional relationship at a gentle pace. Elena (Greta Grineviciute) is a contemporary dancer and teacher, whose approach to sexuality is lusty, free-spirited and detached. When teaching a class of deaf students, she encounters sign language interpreter, Dovdyas (Kestutis Cicenas) and experiences a surprisingly strong connection. ‘I feel like I’ve known him for a long time, ‘ she explains to sceptical, teasing friends. The feeling is mutual and the pair start to hang out, sharing confidences, laughing and generally getting to know each other. Could this be a game-changer for the attachment shy Elena?
Grineviciute and Cicanas have a subtle, unhurried chemistry. Small gestures, facial expressions and fragments of conversation create a genuine sense of intimacy unfolding in real time. They are spending a lot of time together and they talk but their conversation is sparer than the couples in say, Rye Lane or Before Sunrise. Elena and Dovdyas are less verbal, more tactile, movement orientated people as their respective professions indicate. Without overplaying it, the director introduces the film’s central metaphor: we translate emotions into different formats, different cultures like dance, the spoken word and the physically signed word.
Aware that Elena’s feelings towards him include sexual desire, Dovdyas drops a bombshell: he is asexual and has never experienced sexual attraction to anyone. Initially Elena is bewildered. But, already emotionally invested, she is willing to listen and learn. Dovdyas makes it clear that he does want a relationship and likes Elena romantically: he enjoys kissing, cuddling and snuggling with her and his responses to her are sensual and emotional if not sexual.
The film casts quite a spell. The script is sensitively nuanced but evades none of the potential difficulties of an allosexual-asexual romance. The two leads are exceptionally expressive, with or without dialogue. Cicenas conveys reserve, kindness, sensuality and a yearning for emotional connection along with a more conventional sense of masculine pride. He often becomes jealous and frustrated when confronted with the gap between Elena’s desires and his own.
Grineviciute plays all the surface and depth notes of her complex character: independent and feisty on one level, more vulnerable on another. She has self esteem and body image issues that could be ignited by Dovdyas’ sexual indifference. A meeting with Elena’s cold, critical mother reveal one root cause of her insecurities. Dovdyas responds with quiet, humorous empathy, harking back to a previous shared joke. It’s a lovely moment, demonstrating the couple’s mutual understanding.
He is prepared to engage in sexual activities to please Elena but she isn’t satisfied by this. She does not want him to do anything he does not genuinely desire himself. One the one occasion, Dovdyas tries ‘full’ sex, it is in the presence of one of Elena’s ex flings, who is snoring drunkenly on the sofa. ‘What were you trying to prove?’ she asks him the next day, having stopped the encounter.
They keep attempting, as people in love will, to work through their differences. Dovdyas suggests when drunk that he wouldn’t mind if she slept with other men as long as they maintain their relationship. When faced with the reality of this, it proves more challenging for him.
While ‘Slow’ focuses on the central pair, their relationship does not become insular or claustrophobic. They attend the wedding of Dovdyas’ hearing impaired brother, a celebratory occasion which clearly makes the formerly promiscuous Elena wistful. We see the dance performances given by Elena’s students at a festival. There are a number of dance sequences where she expresses her current emotional state through movement.
Similarly, we see Dovdyas performing a vibrant sign version of a popular love song. Elena meets with a very loved old school friend who made the decision to become a nun. Spirituality is touched on in the film, again subtly. There is no stark or superficial contrast being made between sexuality, physicality and religious feeling.
Back to that metaphor. What is the ‘valid’ language for feelings like love, attachment, affection, desire? In a scene in a busy pub, Dovdyas and Elena communicate by mirroring each others movements, a tender, playful little dance of connection.
At one point Dovdyas asserts that there is no ‘correct’ way to do love and relationships. The script does not pathologise Elena’s sexuality or Dovdyas’ ace-romanticism. She likes to be independent and powerful partly due to her insecurities — but also because she has never before felt as strongly emotionally drawn to a person as she is to Dovdyas. This is the same for him. He is also struggling to deal with uncharted territory.
She reacts with fury when she finds out he self pleasure. Once again, he has explaining to do. We can’t be sure if Dovdyas can cope with living with Elena in a polyamorous situation although his judgement isn’t moral. Jealousy is jealousy, whether you are ace or allo.
The film ends on an ambiguous note. We don’t know whether the couple have split or found a workable compromise. We do believe in the love they have for each other and that this may not be enough.
‘Slow’ raises important, frequently neglected questions, about desire, self-esteem, the need for validation, attachment versus independence, gender expectations, rebellion, conformity and, above all, the meaning of intimacy. Intimacy. A word so often utilised as a euphemism for sex in a relationship culture where the two are seen as inseparable. Kavtaradze isn’t interested in providing easy answers. As a straight, sexual woman, she was concerned to do her homework and avoid stereotyping.
On the whole, I feel she has succeeded in this. The handheld camera aesthetic and warmth towards main and peripheral characters recalls other masters of emotionally charged cinema like John Cassavetes and Claire Denis. The script is refreshingly honest about sexual confusion and the messiness of all kinds of relationships. In particular, it gives due weight to male and female vulnerability with humour and a notable lack of cynicism.
Perhaps some in the ace community would prefer a more positive angle or a ‘happy’ ending. Perhaps it would be even more of a revelation to depict a relationship between an ace couple. Despite the conflicts, Kavtaradze’s mastery of the revelatory close up and visceral physical approach pays dividends. ‘Slow’ makes you feel throughout that sexuality does not have sole ownership of our sensual, physical, emotional and romantic selves. It has perspective without distance.
As representation, it is a step forward. Some may struggle to understand Dovdyas and others may complain that Kavtaradze’s has loaded the dice by making Elena’s previous relationships so light on true connection. The director is open-minded enough to perceive that attraction does not follow anybody’s prescriptions.
Slow has received very positive reviews in the UK press. The screening I attended was packed .I am assuming that at least some of the audience might not be that aware of asexuality as an orientation. Thanks to the sure-footed direction and engaging performances, the film is an enjoyable, emotive addition to the romance genre.
