#theFridayFeature — Amey (The Child)
“The most beautiful and creative people in
the world, who lead revolutions, who
discovered and invented things, they did so
because they embraced their own idiosyncrasies.”
- Shahrukh Khan
“Why won’t he talk?” No, this wasn’t a question my mother asked due to the introvert that I was. Until I turned five, the question held value in its true literal sense. I wouldn’t talk, literally. I would communicate through action - no voice, no sound, no words, just me. My life began with silence and I guess I’ve embraced it so much since then that it has led me into becoming the silent, isolated person I am today. This isn’t a pompous blog written to sound narcissist. Incase it does come off that way, then it was unconsciously meant to be so. For me, it is an attempt to introspect further into the complex personality that nature has gifted me with. Additionally, it also attempts to explain why I do the things that I do — mostly it isn’t intentional, I’m just a born childish and somehow moulded to stay the same way. Most people I meet either term me as ‘different’ or as ‘weird’. This piece is a dedication to all those people who take excessive efforts to understand me but fail — I’m not fake, only difficult to comprehend. Lastly, this blog I hope would shed light on the largest source of inspiration in my life — my own childhood…
The realization of me being different than the rest had dawned pretty early in life. When all would watch porn, I would read books that aided me in dwelling deeper into the female psychology. For the rest, the world would end outside the textbook, while my world would begin beyond. I would read Ruskin Bond chronicles one night prior to my Science exam. The stuff I would read would immensely help in forming my answers. Obviously, I never knew what the correct answers were but I always had the acumen to make any piece of garbage seem intelligent. That may not have helped me in scoring grades, but it helped in developing what my mentor calls ‘articulation’ — the art to draw relation from the unrelated.
We once had a chapter on Albert Einstein in the English textbook which said that he was thrown out of school at a young age. I came home deep in thought and told my mother that I didn’t wish to attend school henceforth. The poor woman got scared and informed my dad which succeeded in a deep dire lecture on the importance of education. The innocent me had only one thought in mind — if I quit school too, some years later someone will write a story about me.
“Did you have a good world when you
died? -enough to base a movie on??”
― Jim Morrison
I believe I’ve always been a highly misunderstood individual. My quest for being alone has forever been interpreted as either ‘shyness’ or ‘arrogance’. I see myself as neither (we could debate on that). I’m just a self-loving narcissist who admires himself to an extent that only people who are in some way better and brighter have the luxury to witness my life closely, and I have the luxury to witness theirs. Speaking personally, my intent to live life on my terms has often been equated to rebellion.
Is wanting to live one’s life freely rebellion?
As a kid I was taught — ‘honesty is the best policy’. If for a day I could let you live my life as myself, you’d know how untrue that is in today’s world. My bluntness has cost me lost friends, torn relationships and an innumerable amount of guilt — a problem without a solution. If you want peaceful nights, I suggest you be diplomatic.
“I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human,
with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow
it at the most important moments.”
- Jim Morrisson
The society always tries to tell you the moralistic way of living. These morals perceive ‘different’ as ‘weird’, ‘numbers’ as ‘knowledge’ and ‘conformity’ as ‘care’. Being an introvert isn’t a flaw that needs to be rectified. Rather, introverts I believe are thinkers on a much larger scale. Everyone has their way of expressing thoughts — some talk, some paint, some dance… I write.
I remember a 4th grade incident when our Hindi teacher had disclosed marks concerning a recent exam. Within minutes, a long line of students appeared in front of her desk, wanting to increase theirs. I joined in too. As my number arrived, she asked me where I thought that less marks were given.
“You’ve given me a little more by mistake… This answer isn’t right teacher but you’ve given me full five.” Before correcting, she looked at me with surprise. “Amey, you are going to do wonders in your life. I see honesty in your eyes.”
“I am like a kid. I tell my family
and friends I’m like a kid.”
- Shahrukh Khan
Lastly, a big sorry to all those people I have hurt — been rude, said things, used, abused, came of as arrogant — trust me, nothing was intentional. I am crazy, stupid, childish, dumb… whatever you wish to name. But, this is me and will be till death. Aaah… I feel a lot lighter now.
“You can hate me more
not love me less.”
- Rendition of a quote from War Horse, 2011
Well, that’s all for today.
Keep reading, keep sharing and never stop believing!
“You are your best story to the world.
Tell yourself. Be yourself”
- Kapil Muzumdar
