Review: Game of Thrones — “The Bells”

Ring, ring, ring!

I’m thinking this review might be a little shorter than previous weeks given “The Bells” really presents a very long sequence of Dany torching the ever-loving shit out of King’s Landing. That’s not to say nothing happened, but in terms of character interactions and things to unpack I feel there’s not as much here.

I don’t think that’s a bad thing, though. I do think that this episode is mostly a misfire and I disliked it a lot, but it has some incredibly powerful moments among some really average things that completely undid the experience for me.

Let’s start with the good! Tyrion and Jaime’s moment in the prisoner tent after Tyrion frees him was really sweet. Their relationship has been a favourite of mine, even if it’s been sparse over the last few years. It’s also ringing the bell on that particular relationship too as Jaime’s fate and Tyrion’s, at that stage, feel all but concluded. Arya and the Hound’s conclusion was really sweet. Cleganebowl was kind of lame, but it looked great and we got to see Qyburn get ass-blasted into a wall.

The sacking of King’s Landing was incredibly stunning to watch and the moment before Dany made the fateful decision to obliterate everyone was incredibly tense. The inter cut between Cersei and her built that escalating dread really nicely, and the shot of Drogon lifting into the sky and beginning proceedings was gorgeous. It was also gorgeous to see Drogon and Dany absolutely torch Euron and the Iron Fleet so easily, oh and also torching the Golden Company and Harry Strickland so easily, oh and also torching literally everything so easily. Wow, it’s so EASY.

Yeah, so a lot of this is easy. It’s not great. Remember last week when Dany and Rhaegal got fucking stomped by the amazing Euron and his 8 ships? Well, guess what she actually COULD have torched them quite easily. Guess what, it’s hella easy for her to just blow fucking everything up. I want to hold on that point because I still CANNOT BELIEVE how fucking dumb the initial siege is now that we’ve got the context of HOW EASY IT IS TO FUCK SHIT UP.

I can honestly put aside Dany’s razing of King’s Landing and the sheer idiocy that she could have avoided this had she actually, you know, had seen the fleet of fucking ships in Dragonstone last week. Seriously, it makes NO sense. The excuse that “Dany forgot” is absolute fucking nonsense and that’s proved when she fucking NUKES a fleet 140 times the size of the EIGHT ships that took down Rhaegal last week. There’s no strategy or motivation for it. I mean, her losing the close friends of hers to Cersei and the Night King is certainly something to make her cranky as fuck, but this feels quick. Actually, the strategy also comes into play because apparently it’s a different time of fucking day which makes the entire population at sea level completely blind.

I’m not sure I fully agree with the general consensus I’ve seen that Dany’s arc makes no sense. I think it’s better to describe her arc as unnecessarily rushed. Because, like everything this season, it has been launched into warp speed. I am really trying to forgive on her attack here, but, deep down, I really feel like the show and her character haven’t earned this push at all. And, no, no one saw it coming whether you think you did or not.

Give me a few more seasons of Dany’s internal struggle, her fighting with her advisors, and then I’m totally fine with this shit drop. Instead, we’re shown a diluted version of Dany who literally doesn’t give a fuck, whose motivations are eradicated. I want to see the Dany that captures the nuances of her own personal struggle to balancing her power, control and empathy and the unleashing of urges she’s tempered for so long.

But the most egregious thing in this episode is Jaime Lannister. Jaime Lannister has been such a prime example of great character development in this series. Seriously, just a few weeks ago we saw him basically close his final chapter knighting Brienne, drinking with his brother and a group of people who probably would have executed him on the spot a few years ago.

I think 99% of us wanted him to go back to King’s Landing and finish the job of killing Cersei and, to be honest, I think it’s the best way to see Cersei go. Jaime not so much. Unfortunately, there’s just some not quite great decisions from Benioff and Weiss in deciding, “Hmmm, nah. Fuck any prophecy and fuck seeing any sort of strategy lol.” So instead we got Jaime and Cersei getting crushed by falling debris.

How goddamn fucking lame. Jaime’s arc had so much work and so much progression and development of character that seeing it pay off in episode two was just so unbelievably sweet and perfect. Sure, Game of Thrones has never been perfectly finished endings for characters, but this felt like something that rewarded our viewing and investment over the years. So I’ll just go kindly fuck myself with one of Qyburn’s useless ballista spears.

So, that’s cool… Jaime is just a massive gold-handed fuckbag who can’t get Cersei, the Sept Bombing Terrorist, out of his head. Even after she absolutely went against him and his quest to protect the living. I’m a little upset that Benioff and Weiss have determined that seeing him return to her and say, “Nothing else matters, just us,” and then get rolled by rocks is far better than perhaps actually just sitting in the north and settling in with an arc that rests on his respect and experience defending the world FROM THE LIVING DEAD, or, you know, fucking killing her like the prophecy suggests.

OH, and before any of Jaime and Cersei’s reunion, we get to see one of the single most cuttable sequences in the show’s history: Euron vs. Jaime. It’s a scene that adds absolutely ZERO to any of Jaime’s journey in this episode and shows NOTHING new of Euron or his now completely useless capabilities at sea and on land. Honestly, let’s just see him get torched in the Blackwater and be done with it. I would have laughed and cheered seeing Dany light him up and the show be done with it.

So we got Jaime and Cersei crushed by falling debris after Jaime tried to save her AFTER Tyrion wanted to save them both. It’s ironic (wait, is it?) that Tyrion’s stupidity shines even more here because it’s just cost him the rest of his house and also his Queen’s sanity. The genuinely interesting thing he has running for him is that I literally do not have any idea what’s going to happen to him and, really, I don’t super care for it either.

I do care for Arya. I really do. Maisie Williams delivered a stellar, backpacking performance once again. Her journey in this episode isn’t really full of too much depth, but rather showing her that her respect for Dany’s assistance at Winterfell might have been shortsighted. She’s witnessing the murder of thousands and thousands of innocents, and this is after she turns her back on vengeance to escape King’s Landing. It’s a powerful, impeccably shot sequence that is mortifying to watch.

It also sets up her conflict with Dany in the series finale. Well, it sets up the North vs. Dany conflict now, because Jon has a fun realisation midway through the siege that, uh, fuck he might have been too blind to his loyalties. WHAT A MOTHERFUCKIN’ SURPRISE YOU BLACK HAIRED GARBAGE BAG.

I don’t have much else to say. It’s weird, because I’d say that last week’s episode is probably even WORSE now that we’ve got the context of the season from “The Bells”. I’ll probably have some more enlightening thoughts on the podcast as well, so keep an eye on your feeds there because I still need to digest this shit sandwich.

QUICK ONES!

• I’ve been incredibly harsh on the episode as whole, I’ll admit. If it’s any consolation, I think everyone’s performance in this was fantastic. It’s just the writing that’s garbage.
• Greyworm is a fuck, but I’m not too surprised now.
• Anyone else roll their eyes when Tyrion asked Davos if he could smuggle something?
• Here’s the podcast!