SELF-IMPROVEMENT
Prisoner of Personality I
Love as a Form of Control: When the Bond Becomes a Shackle
…REAL LOVE IS TRUST…
ALLOWING THE PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT TO BE THEIR TRUE SELVES, rather than discouraging or suppressing their authentic selves, is an act of faith and true love. It means you believe in them and their ability to navigate the world. It also means you care more about their right to experience life as an independent, unique being more than you fear for their safety or their impact on your vision of how other people should be.
A relationship is a situation in which individuals experience a type of bond, agreement or belonging to each other. When an individual is beholden to the will of another, they don’t have the authority to act out their authentic expression without consent from the other. Thus, the foundation of that connection is based on control, manipulation and/or exploitation.
When we use love as a form of control, we hold our loved ones back. And they are trapped in our “prison of personality”. On the one hand, they yearn to be accepted by their beloveds and to make them proud rather than cause them pain. On the other hand, they ache to be the articulation of Self they are guided or driven to be, to explore the potential of finding fulfillment in that articulation. In choosing to deny personal drives, interests and intuition or to nurture guilt and shame for making self-loving decisions, the individual often misses opportunities for self-discovery and expression. This compounding of dissatisfaction and self-limiting existence has overwhelmed our species and is causing our societies to suffer.
Now, obviously as a society, we have written and understood agreements. Finding the balance between authentic individual self-expression and the health of the collective is a part of the work. Falling to either extreme — excessive self-concern or self-neglect — is not beneficial for anyone. And denigrating, excluding, or manipulating others so that they can’t thrive in life is unacceptable. We are all in this together.
Real love is trust; it is relinquishing the controlling aspects of a bond so the other can participate as a whole, singular individual. In this way there is more opportunity for the experience of fulfillment in life. With satisfaction in one’s circumstance comes more space for honesty, appreciation, consideration and respect in relationships, thus increasing the potential for society to thrive.
I appreciate you taking the time to read my work. This is a part of an ongoing series. Though the pieces share similar themes, can be read in chronological order, and link back to each other, they are also self-contained. Feel free to examine the other sections in whatever way works for you.
If you’re interested in something different, you can peruse my poetry and short stories on my profile and my personal publication, The All-Self.
