Predominantly White Sign Solves Racism in Neighborhood
*Satire Ahead!*
A local Democratic club this week began their promised community outreach to disenfranchised groups by celebrating the absence of racism in the district. The signs, mostly white placards displaying a large graphic of a heart, states “Bay Ridge [Hearts] Both Sides”. The signs have been widely attributed to being 100% effective at warding off all racism, harnessing the vast powers of tacit progressive lip-service.
The Ambrose Light took to the street to ask people what they thought of the signs. “ لا أعلم ما الذي تريديني أن أخبرك به ” said one neighbor, obviously overjoyed at the outpouring of support that the sign promised. Said another constituent on the corner of 5th Avenue and 81st street, “[The signs] are really great to see. It’s nice to know that in the months these signs have been up, we’ve solved the biggest issue facing those under assault by xenophobia and bigotry: that they aren’t paying dues to the local Democratic club.”
When criticized for the presence of clear partisan branding and lack of multi-lingual messaging on the sign, the Democratic club issued the following statement:
“Well, obviously, we’d be able to have translations of the text if any bilingual speakers decided to join our club. We’d like to reach out, but to who? To where? It’s not like any organizations exist.” After several pages of blank paper, the statement continued in suspiciously un-archivable ink: “…with ourselves in a leadership position.”
When contacted about the existence of a non-branded sign that was much better, the club responded: “We had no idea it existed. The fact that we copy it’s exact wording in our original post is a total coincidence. You can’t counter hate with hate; the best thing is to avoid appearing to counter anything at all. And not that there are any racists here… but if there were, we wouldn’t want to upset them.”
“…not that there are any racists here… but if there were, we wouldn’t want to upset them.”
The statement did indeed ring true. Local alt-right artist and Twitter personality Nikki Feld said this in response to the sign: “Yes, finally, a sign that really understands the nuance. I live here, I love everyone, and I want what’s best for everyone. And for some, what’s best is to go back to wherever they came from.” When asked about the tone of the sign, she replied “It’s good. Not too preachy. I love people in my own way, and that’s not racist, its just alt-love.”
The posters, however, have long been accepted in the community. They appeared seventeen days after a hate-crime occurred in the neighborhood, and nine days after the the clubs founder decided to run for office, and subsequent flyerings occurred immediately after the end of a hard-won primary.
Club leader Christopher Marlowe quickly replied on social media to criticism that the signs may be slightly tone-deaf, and more outreach and multilateral partnership needs to be done:
The reply does have merit. It is clear that both Democrat and Republican candidates understand the immigrant character of the neighborhood, where successive waves of Norwegian, Greek, Italian, Irish, Arab, and Asian immigration have left an indelible legacy of racial activism and pride. Immigrant issues are plainly stated as driving issues on both the Justin Brannan and John Quaglione campaign websites.
As flyering continued this weekend, we caught up with local musician Vigneto Biscina, a volunteer helping to spread the signs to local storefronts: “It’s about time all these immigrants started supporting us. As the primary election showed, we outnumber them. If that isn’t a welcoming message of inclusion, what is?” Added Biscina before walking into a local immigrant-owned store for the first time: “I mean, who would they prefer to ignore them, us or the Republicans? Come on, Republicans ignore them much worse.”
We stopped by the local Staples on 5th avenue where the posters were being printed. Said the minimum-wage Latinx worker who was busy overseeing the printers: “What effect these [posters] have? Well, I’m getting paid $9 an hour to print them. Is that an effect? I’m sure it makes some liberals happy, though… but it also makes some other people really angry, so, yeah, I don’t know? But we can’t be too critical, because in the end, it’s just a f****** sign.”
Further Reading:
• 7 Unmistakable Signs Your Allyship is Performative
• On the Performance of Allyship
