A Terza Rima for 18.4 — My Frenemy aka Superman

The Man of Steel is real and he’s none other than CrossFit 515’s very own Mike Halstead

The Ant illustration

Since I’m not physically competing in the 2018 CrossFit Games Open this year, I decided (with the help of my frenemy) to celebrate the Open in a completely different manner. Yes, I will certainly miss Superman vs. Lex Luthor (we will be back next year — mark my word — and there will even be T-shirts), but this season I have the opportunity to shine the light on others. Just like “Frederick,” by Leo Lionni, I am a poet and I know it. The plan is to write a poem for each week of the Open showcasing a particular athlete and their valiant efforts. Please enjoy this poem about 18.4…

Clark Kent may think he’s Superman, but I know the real Man of Steel. For those of you who believe he was born Kal-El on the planet Krypton, you’re wrong — he was born Michael Halstead on the planet Iowa. And he’s not a journalist in the city of Metropolis, but rather an accountant in the great city of Des Moines. He likes ice cream, wears Mizzen+Main, and drives a Jeep. Most importantly, he’s my frenemy.

Since Superman is Italian, I wanted to pay tribute to the Man of Steel with an Italian form of poetry called terza rima. It was first used by my boy, Dante Alighieri, but a famous example is the work of one Robert Frost. A terza rima consists of stanzas of three lines (or tercets), with each line usually containing 10 or 11 syllables. It follows an interlocking rhyming scheme, or chain rhyme if you will, where the tercets are woven into a rhyme scheme requiring the end-word of the second line in one stanza to supply the rhyme for the first and third lines in the following stanza. Thus, a terza rima follows a pattern of ABA, BCB, CDC, DED, etc. continuing through the final stanza, where it ends as a couplet rhyming with the middle line of the previous stanza (in this case, EE). There is no limit to the number of lines, as long as it follows the rhyming pattern. For example, “Acquainted with the Night”, by Robert Frost:

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain — and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right
I have been one acquainted with the night.

In what is near and dear to my heart since it is written about Mike Halstead aka My Frenemy aka Superman aka Mikey aka My Bro / Brah / Bruh / Brosef / Broski / Bro-Namath aka The Man of Steel aka Michael P. Halstead aka The Guy Who Buys His Hair Product at the Same Place Where Garret Fisher and Noah Ohlsen Buy Theirs aka The Tree-Climbing and Dumpster-Hiding Man (according to my almost 3-year-old son) aka My Dear Friend, may I present to you, without further ado, the terza rima commemorating the 4th week of the 2018 CrossFit Game Open.

“A Terza Rima for 18.4 — My Frenemy aka Superman” by Eddie Mrowka

The Open’s been an interesting test,
Despite the skeptics, each week proves it is;
A great way to determine who is best.

Think school where each workout is a new quiz,
Some go as planned, others don’t go your way;
And so far, Superman’s been taking his.

He pushes harder than a normal day,
But don’t get caught up in the rhythm of it;
Lose yourself in the moment and go play.

Remember the goal here is to get fit,
Average Joe CrossFitter won’t advance;
You’re teaching your body how not to quit.

It took some time for Mike to have this stance,
But his philosophy here is spot-on;
Perhaps he learned this from his dear friend Lance.

Sometimes Castro’s clues are met with a yawn,
As Halstead doesn’t even guess anymore;
Since each week makes the old one dead and gone.

Something technical for 18.4,
Was the only assumption that Mike made;
Something he couldn’t do would mean a poor score.

Prepped himself with a fresh haircut and fade,
To watch Panchik and BKG throw down;
The announcement to Mike got a low grade.

Twenty-one deadlifts would not make him drown,
Thirty seconds of work and then just stare;
As those handstand push-ups would make him frown.

To get strict ones with an AbMat took flair,
Does Mike even try or just plan to scale;
To fail a movement you can’t do is fair.

Like a fish out of water when you flail,
Focus, commit, give everything you got;
Kick those legs and feet up — try not to fail.

Five One Five Saturdays bring your one shot,
Superman looked at the wall and said: “Sup?”
Bar loaded, height is taped, this is your spot.

Took one last sip from the Man of Steel’s cup,
Deadlifts done in thirty-six seconds flat;
Hamstrings were smoked and the heart rate went up.

Quick deep breath and then hands down on the mat,
Your legs are tired so don’t waste the first one;
This was Halstead’s long-awaited at bat.

Lower yourself — pull your knees in a ton,
It’s like you’re jumping upside down for real;
Mike drove his feet up, pushed, and he was done.

To get one, it’s amazing how you feel,
So much easier than Superman thought;
It was time to high five the Man of Steel.

Excitement from the gym they really brought,
All the adrenaline came pouring in;
How to feel in that moment can’t be taught.

Steve Harms, his judge, will say how long it’s been,
That Mike wrestled with this movement, but he;
Really wanted him to succeed and win.

“I asked Superman are you kidding me,
When Halstead thought of dropping the barbell;
Doing them as fast as you can is key.

When the AbMat was gone I now could tell,
Come hell or high water Mike would get some;
And I was prepared to let out a yell.

Superman knew not trying would be dumb,
I said to myself: ‘Rock on, let’s do this!’
We slapped high five so hard my hand went numb.

A few more got close but each was a miss,
Whatever magic he had just ran out;
Wish Meg had been there to give Mike a kiss.

Now knows he can do them without a doubt,
It’s really been quite the journey for him;
And when he gets more, I’ll be there to shout.”

His attitude is anything but grim,
And the Man of Steel conquered a big fear;
Superman’s a favorite at our gym.

Mike’s favorite 22 reps this year,
Let’s celebrate at Exile with some beer.