Anti-Guacamole Legislation Tackles Big Avocado
A bill proposed by Congress this past week will make it illegal for guacamole to be advertised. If the bill were to pass, companies like Q’doba and Chipotle would have to exclude any guacamole-related subject matter from their marketing campaigns, including, but not limited to: television commercials, radio commercials, posters, pamphlets, magazine ads, billboards, sky writing, tattoos, street art, hypnotic flashes of light, subliminal suggestion, or church sermons.
The Avocado Farmers Association is firing back, claiming that the bill is un-American. Big Avocado’s legal team says they are prepared to take this fight to the supreme court if they have to. Alexander Pitt, of Pitt and Green Law Firm, states “It would be a mockery of justice to allow legislation restricting what my client can advertise. These ads don’t harm anyone and taking them off the air won’t help anyone.”
Anti-Avocado activists disagree with Mr. Pitt, however, claiming that children seeing these ads are influenced to buy and consume guacamole and other avocado products. Said one activist, “It’s all about the kids, man. We gotta keep them off the green stuff.” More and more parents are joining the movement, pushing Big Avocado to stop their mass advertising campaigns. But they aren’t stopping there.
“We want mandatory warning printed on all avocado and avocado based products. That way people know how addictive it is when they buy it.” says Pamela Persea, head of the anti-avocado movement. “It’s harder to ignore the facts when they’re printed right on the fruit!”
Although there is no evidence to support the claim that guacamole is an addictive substance, many people believe that once you start eating it, it is very difficult to stop. Other proposed additions to the Bill are mandatory waiting periods, background checks, and avocado registration.
