Every Internet Conversation With Dudes, Ever
We all know That Dude. He is the destroyer of discourse, the derailer of discussion. He is the troll that lives under your Twitter feed. He is the unsilent-but-deadly flatulence of Facebook. He ruins everything.
In particular, he can’t resist ruining a conversation about feminism. He lives in fear that a woman discussing feminism on the internet will be tragically deprived of his very important viewpoint. Thus, as a service to That Dude — and to you — I have collected every argument he has ever made or ever will make, ever. Here they are. You’re welcome, and I’m sorry.
Woman: There’s still a long way to go to achieve equality.
Dude: Not true! A woman was mean to me once.
Woman: That’s not what —
Dude: SO MEAN
Dude: Pretty sure you have more rights than us.
Woman: What rights?
Dude: You know, the rights. All of them. I HAVE TO DIE IN WAR
Woman: Well, for starters, there’s the wage gap.
Dude: It’s not real. Look at this chart I made.
Woman: But studies show —
Dude: CAN’T HEAR YOU, CHART
Woman: What about rape? One in five women are sexually assaulted.
Dude: Ehh, pretty sure they’re just saying that for the money.
Dude: That sweet rape money
Woman: I just want to be left alone when I walk down the street.
Dude: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER WAY FOR ME TO INTERACT WITH A WOMAN
Woman: Let’s talk about consent.
Dude: What does “consent” mean? What do words mean? “Yes?” “No?” What does anything mean? I’m not a word genius.
Woman: We need to work together to prevent rape.
Dude: If you really cared about rape you’d go stop rape in Somalia.
Woman: But —
Woman: Rape needs to stop!
Dude: Look, rapists be rapin’. Nothing to be done about it. It’s the rape robots.
Woman: What? No, I don’t —
Dude: RAPE ROBOTS
Dude: Your fight to stop rape and abuse is dumb.
Woman: Go away.
Dude: This is why nobody likes feminists, you don’t like to debate.