We all know That Dude. He is the destroyer of discourse, the derailer of discussion. He is the troll that lives under your Twitter feed. He is the unsilent-but-deadly flatulence of Facebook. He ruins everything.
In particular, he can’t resist ruining a conversation about feminism. He lives in fear that a woman discussing feminism on the internet will be tragically deprived of his very important viewpoint. Thus, as a service to That Dude — and to you — I have collected every argument he has ever made or ever will make, ever. Here they are. You’re welcome, and I’m sorry.
Woman: There’s still a long way to go to achieve equality.
Dude: Not true! A woman was mean to me once.
Woman: That’s not what —
Dude: SO MEAN
Dude: Pretty sure you have more rights than us.
Woman: What rights?
Dude: You know, the rights. All of them. I HAVE TO DIE IN WAR
Woman: Well, for starters, there’s the wage gap.
Dude: It’s not real. Look at this chart I made.
Woman: But studies show —
Dude: CAN’T HEAR YOU, CHART
Woman: What about rape? One in five women are sexually assaulted.
Dude: Ehh, pretty sure they’re just saying that for the money.
Dude: That sweet rape money
Woman: I just want to be left alone when I walk down the street.
Dude: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER WAY FOR ME TO INTERACT WITH A WOMAN
Woman: Let’s talk about consent.
Dude: What does “consent” mean? What do words mean? “Yes?” “No?” What does anything mean? I’m not a word genius.
Woman: We need to work together to prevent rape.
Dude: If you really cared about rape you’d go stop rape in Somalia.
Woman: But —
Woman: Rape needs to stop!
Dude: Look, rapists be rapin’. Nothing to be done about it. It’s the rape robots.
Woman: What? No, I don’t —
Dude: RAPE ROBOTS
Dude: Your fight to stop rape and abuse is dumb.
Woman: Go away.
Dude: This is why nobody likes feminists, you don’t like to debate.