How not to be a jackass on large group Zoom calls
8 ground rules on how not to be THAT ANNNOYING colleague
Zoom* calls are keeping us connected in lockdown. The experience of online visual group meetings is new to many of us and I’m delighted everyone is trying it out (except my mother — but that’s another story!). It’s amusing to see how innovative people are with using the tools to stay connected. There are group quiz nights, family games evenings, friends who cook and eat same meal together and more. Even our antiquated government is giving it a go.
I’ve been working remotely for 15 years but over the past few weeks, I’ve had some of the most annoying large group video calls of my life. So I am driven to expand on Debretts advice and offer my 8 guidelines to avoid being THAT annoying colleague on the call.
*Note I am using Zoom as shorthand here. Other group communicating tools are available from other software companies with probably better features and certainly better security. But let’s admit it, Zoom has become the Hoover of lockdown group communications.
1. Let’s start with timing
Start and end times are given for a reason. These are not suggestions on the part of your host. Your host has put some considerable time and thought into this session, so arrive on time. Unless your kid has fallen down the stairs or your partner has set alight the kitchen in a failed baking attempt, stay until the end. It’s a courtesy to your host who has carefully planned the arc of the call. That means they have some intention about how to begin, the middle and how to end. Stay until the end. You wouldn’t wander out of an in person meeting (or would you?). It’s also a nod to your fellow participants. It’s impacts attention and flow of a conversation/thoughts when people come and go. If there are small group exercises it has even a greater impact. If you can’t make the allotted time, then don’t sign up for the session/meeting/class! Go do something else and get over your FOMO.
2. Turn on your damn camera!
Put your camera on. It’s that simple. The only viable excuse is if you are my 85 year old friend who has a laptop without a camera. She gets a free pass. We don’t care if your lockdown hairstyle is that of a yeti in a snowstorm. If you still have yoga pants on from earlier, put a nice top on. Remember we can’t see below your chest. The impact of you not having your camera on is far greater than your visual imperfections. Without your camera on, we see a black box. We don’t know what you are doing. You could be dead. You could be ogling someone or updating your will. These are weird times. We will make up weird reasons for not seeing you. If you agreed to show up, then be present and have your camera on. It’s an energy thing. Staring into the black box that represents your is like staring into the void. And it’s creepy. Only exception is if you are in North Wales with a poor internet connection. You get a free pass then.
3. Virtual background are annoying so stop using them!
Virtual backgrounds are a new and clever feature and I am sure the geeks are very pleased with themselves. And let’s be honest, the technology isn’t quite there yet. If you move, or you show something to your screen, then you disappear or fade around the edges. It looks weird. It’s a distraction. And waving palm trees behind you just seems unkind at the moment when none of us can’t travel. And for those of you who put up corporate logo virtual backgrounds, NO!
4. Get friendly with the mute button
Come on people, it’s not that hard. Think about it. 10+ people on an online call is going to cause a lot of background noise and it gets messy quickly if we all have our mikes on. Start with yourself muted until the host invites you to speak. I know you think you’ve got a quite office/bedroom and you think you won’t be disturbed. But if you’ve learnt one thing in lockdown is that you will be. Postmen, children and dogs have an uncanny ability to sense the best time for maximum disruption. Don’t let them disturb our group call too.
5. Don’t join the call from your phone
Dialling in from your phone for the family call with Mom is absolutely fine. Doing this for a large group call/class/workshop is not. Why? It’s harder to access the features you will likely be asked to use in a group call like chat, voting, annotating or breakout rooms. As someone who has been in the tech support role on a large group call, all the struggles came from people on the phones not on laptops for this reason. Another unintended impact is your video picture is squashed. You look like a mini-person peering into something.
6. Give yourself a real name when you sign in
On one call I was on, someone came in as HUWAI95 — the name of her mobile phone. The host had to refer to her by that as she didn’t know who it was — compounded by the fact that she didn’t have video on. It was embarrassing for the host. Think about being in person. You would introduce yourself by your name. This is the same. You don’t need a surname, but it’s polite to your colleagues and your host to offer your first name when you sign in.
7. Stop being so damn chatty
The chat function is brilliant tool and it gets misused and painfully so in large groups. Whilst things are underway, using the chat function is like chatting to your colleague in an in-person meeting. It’s distracting and rude. I know it’s not the intention when people use the chat function and add valuable statements like “This is so much fun!”, or “Great to see you Petey — how are the kids?” to 100 people. When you type that into the chat, everyone else’s chat button goes orange (in Zoom) and demands attention. Use the chat function only when asked to by the host. If you are excited to see Petey, type a message directly to him so we don’t all have to hear about it!
8. Smile for f*!&k sake
You host has probably muted us all and is trying their best to keep a sense of energy and enthusiasm whilst getting no auditory feedback (for good reason — see no. 4). I was in a workshop last week where folk looked like they had been frozen in formaldehyde. Passive faces and dead eyes. Give the gift to your host of a smile, a nod, a head to the side. It’s not about putting on an act but allowing more expression on your face to give your host some feedback on what’s landing or not. Smile like you are on camera, because if you followed my order/ guideline in no.2, you are!
