The most radical act of self care is opting out
Some years back when I was starting my business, someone asked me about my self-care regime. I responded with “What do you mean self-care? Care of self? What?” My answer reflected a lot more than my lack of understanding of the term.
Admittedly, it’s a clunky term to describe the actions we take to look after ourselves. I’m talking about those small choices we make each day that either build up our resources or draw down on them. Since that question was first posed to me, I’ve come to appreciate the compassion inherent in attitude of self-care.
I’d give myself a B+ for self-care when I was working in the corporate world getting paid a nice salary each month. When I went solo, my self-care regime dissolved in the acidity of fear that goes with being a solo-entrepreneur. I have had more illness and periods of exhaustion in the last 4 years than I had in the whole period of 20 years as a corporate soldier.
When faced with my own self-inflicted burn out in the first twelve months of having my own business, I have been slowly exploring what taking care of me looks like. I have learnt to love the idea of self-care.
How we end each year is one useful indicator as to the efficacy of looking after number one.
What was your balance of resourcefulness at the end of last year?
Was it in debit or credit? Did you end feeling energized and excited? Or did you crawl zombie-like to the last working day of December then collapse into the ritual that is Christmas? (Much like the monkey must feel in the picture above).
If you are like most of my friends, you ended the year as if you’d run an ultra marathon having only trained for a half-marathon. Pretty much done in! Fully baked and nothing left.
The physical exhaustion is only one manifestation of lack of self-care. The low levels of resourcefulness make us difficult and unpleasant to be around. Speaking from personal experience, I can become short-tempered, defensive, overly tactical, and even slightly paranoid (“the world really does have it in for me!”).
Carl Jung reminds us of the cost of not taking care of ourselves:
It is wise to nourish your soul. Otherwise you will breed dragons and devils in your heart.
Modern day living does not require of us to create the breeding grounds for dragons and devils. It is not inevitable to live as we do — in a fast paced, connected changing world. I believe the answer is to opt out more.
Opt out of notifications on your phone.
Opt out of social occasions that exhaust you.
Opt out of those tedious post conference drinks.
Opt out of that friendship that leaves you drained.
Opt of out running when your knees continue to plague you.
Opt out of drinking red wine that gives you indigestion.
Opt out of having a new car.
Opt out of email notifications on your laptop.
My own awakening to the idea of opting out came this last month when I opted out of Christmas. Yes, I really did that! It’s been many years since I’ve really celebrated Christmas in any form but this was the first year where I could be on my own on the 25th (although several people including the postman tried to ‘rescue’ me). So this time, I spent the day in quiet bliss. I walked the dog, ate panetone and salmon blinis, napped, walked the dog, and reflected on 2017. I didn’t want the day to end.
And with this small act of defiance, it came clear to me my life is full of habits, routines and obligations that I fulfill mindlessly. I do so because it’s what I’ve always done or its what I think others expect of me.
These last few weeks have been in a gift to me in reminding me once more that I really am at choice to design my life the way I want it.
The good news is you can too. You too can start opting out now.
There are several people who’ve influenced me to make the small changes in my life for the better. And I want to call them out as their work is so well worth reading: Cal Newport, Leo Babuata, and The Minimalists.
