A Story of Discernment: Are your choices depleting or energizing you?

Before she started using the tool of Discernment, she was often depleted.

It was almost like she had a little voice in her head that was constantly spewing about what she ‘should’ do and what others expected of her and wanted her to do.

There were lots of ‘rights and wrongs’ that mostly had to do with those outside expectations and little do to with what was most important to her.

Because for a long time she didn’t have a clear idea of what was most important to her, she found herself changing her mind often.

She also committed to doing things because she thought she wanted connection or something else she expected to get out of the interaction. But often, the event or interaction left her feeling empty and sometimes even more dis-connected than she had before.

So before she could use the tool of Discernment effectively, she had to first set that foundation of herself in place.

Working with her coach had been the way she had achieved this although she knows there are many ways to do it.

She got clear about what she valued most in life. She began to understand what it felt like when she was connected with those things she valued and when she wasn’t. She developed strategies to help her get back to that feeling of connection when she got off track.

This was a process and one that probably was the most valuable she ever experienced.

Once that foundation of her true self was firmly in place, the idea of Discernment came quickly after.

With Discernment, she could look at things more closely based solely on who she was, what she wanted and what was most important to her.

It had nothing to do with others.

This didn’t mean, of course, that she didn’t care about the feelings of others. She still did and always would. But she knew that when she did things because someone expected her to and not because she truly wanted to, it wasn’t worth it to anyone.

When she needed to make a decision, she began using the Discerning question of “Will this serve me?” or “Is this a choice that is consistent with my values — the things that are most important to me?” Sometimes it wasn’t and then she had to say no to people.

This was quite a challenge in the beginning because she didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

The more she practiced this, however, the easier and more revolutionary it was. She began to notice her energy level increase.

She understood what she needed when because she was making discerning decisions about what she was doing, who she was spending time with and why.

Sometimes she made decisions that weren’t popular with others. But she knew that the people who loved her would still love her even if they didn’t always totally understand her decisions.

She also knew that they wanted her around when she wanted to be around because then she was present in a way that benefited everyone.

Being Discerning in her choices has added a level of connection with herself and with others as well as given her a sense of peace as she is more consistently honoring who she is with her actions and non-actions.

Mood Lady images drawn by Debra Valentino.

A collection of Mood Lady Stories is available for purchase. A digital version is coming soon.