A Story of Love
She knows love comes in many forms.
She feels grateful that she feels that it is fully present in her life in so many of these forms.
There have been times when this hasn’t been the case, but now, she feels truly full — truly full of receiving love and of giving it.
She remembers having a big hole or void to fill for the longest time.
It felt like no matter what she did, she would never be able to fill it.
She often looked outside herself to fill it. For a while, it was with relationships with men. Whether she was in one or not, she thought this was the answer and when it was the ‘right’ person at the ‘right’ time, that void would finally be filled. She tried different things at different times in different relationships, but nothing really seemed to work.
She also tried filling the void with food for a while. The void itself felt big and tender and scary and instead of looking at it, she tried filling it up with food.
The void would be satiated for a very short time (we’re talking hours) and then it would be back, yelling louder than ever.
Another technique she had for filling the void was work — she threw herself into it. And in a way this worked for a while as she was so busy, she didn’t have as much time to feel the void. But after a while, it started showing itself again.
The void finally started to disappear when she was able to see that there was nothing to fix.
She had been so sure that she was missing something, that if she only learned this or did that, she would have what she needed to ‘fix’ what was wrong and thereby, fill the void.
As she started understanding more about herself — about what was important to her, about her value, her worth, how she connects with others and many other things — she started understanding that she had all that she needed right now.
She started seeing that yes, there was more to learn and no, she didn’t have all the answers. And all this meant was that she was on a journey — a journey of learning.
When she stopped trying to fill the void, to fix something in herself, a new level of love came into her life.
This was the self-love that so many talk about.
Without the need to ‘fix’, she began to love — to love, nurture, listen, explore, forgive, be compassionate, gentle. She began to be curious more often and judged herself harshly less often. As she began to do this, she was able to extend this love to others.
There was a new level of understanding for the people around her, both people she knew and those she didn’t.
She began to understand their journey more & she was more accepting of them following their own path — sometimes doing things that made no sense to her.
She knows that on the other end of the spectrum from love is fear.
She knows that instead of being afraid of what she might find within or externally, she can approach it with love.
Love feels expansive, open and free. And with love, she IS expansive, open and free.
Mood Lady images drawn by Debra Valentino.
A collection of Mood Lady Stories is available for purchase. A digital version is coming soon.