Let’s Get Moody
The word ‘moody’ comes from the Old English modig, meaning “brave, proud, high-spirited, impetuous, arrogant.” Somewhere in the 1590s, the meaning shifted to “subject to gloomy spells” via a Middle English sense of “angry” (www.etymonline.com) .
I actually think it’s quite brave to be moody these days — to show our emotions and the different parts of ourselves. It’s brave because there is quite a box of how we are supposed to express our moods, emotions and aspects of being. I write about this from the context of a woman, because I am one. Let’s explore a few examples from the ‘box’:
Confidence: It’s best to be semi-confident — you can’t lack confidence in life or at work because then you’ll never get what you want, you’ll never get ahead, you’ll be seen as too timid, shy, not a go-getter. But you can’t have too much confidence because that might come off as arrogant and perhaps even ‘bitchy’. Semi-confident — that’s acceptable.
Happy: You can be happy, but not too happy because then usually people say you are….too happy. It’s hard to trust someone who is too happy. They must be in denial about something or maybe they’re fake. No one can be that happy. So be just the right amount of happy — that works.
Angry: Well, mostly you shouldn’t be angry. But if you are, you really shouldn’t show it or express it or probably even admit it because then you have an anger management problem. A small amount of anger is ok, but don’t express angrily. Non-angry anger expression — that’s the key.
Sexy: well, this is a tricky one. It could be considered good to be sexy. But not in the workplace. But at the workplace, if you aren’t showing any of that feminine energy — your softer side — then you’ll be accused of being ruthless or ‘worse’ maybe even manly. So go ahead and be feminine, but not too feminine and not so it can be seen as sexy. And outside of work, sexy can be good. But not too much sexy-ness because then it becomes slutty. So some non-slutty sexiness outside of work and some slightly feminine non-sexiness at work. Got it?
Creative: Some creativity is good. But you can’t be too creative because that’s just unrealistic. Realistically creative — there you go.
I could continue, but I think you get the point. As women, we have a pretty well-formed box to fit into when it comes to expressing ourselves. And for men, these boxes are often quite different but of course they are still there. When we use a box to regulate our emotions, our moods, all of our selves, the result can only be a negative one.
We are unique beings and these emotions and parts of ourselves are unique to each of us. When we start playing into these roles of how we ‘should’ behave, we lose certain aspects of us and over-rely on others. That means we might be bold, but we do it in a way that steps on others instead of empowering them and ourselves. It might mean that we are super gentle with others, but we beat ourselves up in ways we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. It might mean we get attached to our anger and take it out on others — just making others and ourselves miserable instead of perhaps using the anger as a catalyst for change and/or action.
Our moods/emotions serve three important spiritual and practical purposes: 1. They’re our spiritual guidance system telling us when something is wrong, when something is right. 2. They’re our inner therapist. Our moods show us where we need to heal, where we need to put our attention, and where we need to change or set a boundary in our lives. But too often we push our moods down and so we don’t grow spiritually or emotionally. 3. They are the source of our power.
Imagine being able to be a force of power in the board room, gentle and compassionate at home and bringing in the spirit of openness in your relationships…without feeling like you’re wearing a mask or putting on an act. As women we’re taught to adjust and to be there for others and so we either play roles we aren’t comfortable with or we rebel against it, which then leads to conflict — both inner and outer.
I say it’s time to claim our moods and to claim all these aspects of being. That doesn’t mean we have to get stuck in sadness or anger or even creativity or joy. It just means we get to feel them, notice them, address them, nurture them — we get to take them out of that box and make them our own.
When we do this, that uniqueness that is innate to each of us can come out even more strongly. As we harness the power of our moods and inner selves, we’ll be able to make a change — to transform into that fuller version of ourselves, being the person we want to be so we can then have more of what we want to have. So go ahead, get moody.
All Mood Lady images drawn by Debra Valentino.
This article was adapted from an earlier ‘newsletter’ version in 2016.
The Mood Ladies are guides, representations of wisdom, aspects of consciousness, ideas about possibilities and shadows, light and darkness.
