Chapter 3: Acting
Before learning about the technical side of theatre, I spent several years performing on-stage. Obviously seen from my current career pathway, I was never a fan of the limelight nor was it ever my “end goal”. But, performing in even the smallest of roles still forced me to get majorly out of my comfort zone. As an introverted kid, I found it really difficult to put myself out there, especially since a lot of the other theatre kids where I was rehearsing were already close friends. However, I managed to open up over time, which allowed me to create strong bonds with others through vulnerability and self-exploration. By allowing myself to be emotionally and creatively vulnerable in this way, I created a space for passion to form and true breakthrough to occur.
I was mainly cast in ensemble roles for a majority of my “acting career” until more recently, when I was cast as “Medium Alison” in Playhouse Merced’s production of Fun Home. I was ecstatic, not because of the fact that I landed a big part or had an awesome solo song, but because Medium Alison was a character I thought I deeply related to. While my friends and I all joked about me being “typecast” for the role, I would have no idea how “method” my acting would go, even after the production “ended”.
Unfortunately, our Fun Home production never opened. A week from our first night of performances, COVID-19 became a serious concern and all rehearsals were put on an “indefinite pause” before the whole show was cancelled weeks later. Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck in the weeks that followed. The show and role that meant so much to me and my “final Playhouse show” before I went off to college, was no longer.
However, looking back on that role now, I’m not sure if I would have been ready to perform it back at the beginning of 2020. Today, I have so much more of an understanding of Medium Alison’s college experience, having gone through some of it myself. Being forced to “step back” from the character made me gain a greater appreciation for her role in the overall story and how much character development she brings to the table. It allowed me to find myself through the separation of me and the character.
Looking back through my old script and re-reading some of Alison Bechdel’s comics over quarantine, the irony of finding that “play therapy” within Fun Home in a manner so extremely different to how theatre used to formally function is something that will stick with me for the rest of my life, especially when attempting to convey catharsis through my designs.
These days, I honestly still have a hard time listening to the show’s soundtrack, imagining how we rehearsed it in the show’s “final moments”. But, every now and then, when I feel so inclined, I play the opening number and let the flood of emotions begin.
