The Art of the All-Nighter: How to Live a Good Life
Sleep deprivation never looked so good!
To all of you who do not know what an all-nighter is, bless your innocent little souls. To all of you who do, *girl scout salute*.
As a disclaimer, I do not recommend all-nighters as a lifestyle. But the occasional one (once per month-ish) will not kill you. If we learned time management, this would not be a topic of discussion. But we are only human, and there are much more entertaining things to do than write a history paper.
So, without further ado…
Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen. I am about to show you the world of a coffee-fueled college student during finals season and what you can learn from them.
Kaffeine is King…
…but my withdrawal symptoms are starting to concern me.
We have all been there. It is 6 p.m. on a Wednesday, and you promised yourself that you would stop drinking coffee even though you have a history paper due tomorrow. But now your head is pounding like the speakers at Coachella.
So, you give in and buy the damned cup of coffee. After that first sip, the migraine magically disappears. And you promise to go on a caffeine detox as soon as finals are over.
But the problem is: Finals are never over. So, you spiral back into your caffeine addiction and continue to get migraines at 2 p.m. sharp if you skip that morning latte.
Moral of the story: Don’t let your vices rule your life.
Quitting a bad habit is hard. If you mix in some external pressure of deadlines and obligations, hard becomes nearly impossible.
But you must remember that short-term fixes result in long-term catastrophes.
Despite all the chaos around you, you must find a way to persevere and control yourself. Relapsing into old habits will make you feel comfortable and give you momentary relief.
But when you wake up the next day, you will be staring back at the same problem you faced the day before. And it will most certainly not get easier.
If you lie to yourself with empty promises of ‘tomorrow,’ you will live in a hell that you call ‘today.’
Grammarly, take the wheel!
Miraculously, you have written the first half of your 25-page paper, and it is only 2 a.m. All the research has been completed, but you still have 13 pages to go.
The words are starting to blur together on your laptop (those blue-light glasses can’t save you now!). But, behind the blaring lights of your computer screen, you can make out the little red and blue squiggles under a few words.
You are in no mind to differentiate between “effect” and “affect,” so you pull out your “Get Out of Jail Free” card — Grammarly.
Your knight in shining armor has come riding in on a white horse with a weird green circle on its head, but that part is irrelevant.
You know that hitting the page count will mean nothing if the sentences aren’t coherent. So, you enlist the Almighty Grammarly and pray for the rest of the paper to write itself.
But as you click through the buttons to accept all Grammarly’s changes, you notice a bad edit. Upon further inspection, you realize that was definitely not what you meant to say!
Moral of the story: Be willing to seek out advice, but do not base your decision on it
Most of us are incapable of asking for help because we can “do it ourselves.” Of course, that is true, but seeking aid from people you trust and value will save you time and give you a fresh perspective.
The first hurdle people need to jump is getting over their egos and getting into the game of life. Life requires collaboration and teamwork. So, if you want to excel, get over yourself.
Once you have accomplished that Herculean feat, you must remember that the decision is ultimately up to you. Sometimes, people give you advice that worked for them but just isn’t your cup of tea.
The advisors you choose are there to provide you with general direction, not a concrete action plan. So, make sure that your decisions are your own at the end of the day and that their advice doesn’t become your gospel.
It’s crunch time, champ!
Right around 5 a.m., you will start questioning your life choices. What if I just drop out? How much do Target cashiers make? What was the name of that sugar baby website again?
But, alas, my esteemed companion, googling how to become a trophy wife/husband, will not help you. You still have three pages and a bibliography to write. All due in five hours!
Now is not the time to daydream about La La Land. You need to channel your inner Troy Bolton and “Get’cha Head in the Game.” Because you are down three with 5 seconds left on the clock.
Moral of the story: Stay in the moment and leave the fantasies for the sci-fi screenplay writers.
If you worry about your own grass, the other side of the fence won’t look so green. Similarly, you can’t wish away your problems by fantasizing about what could be. Because ‘could’ be doesn’t mean ‘should’ be.
Focus on your current situation and redirect all the energy you spend fantasizing into crafting a solution to your problems.
You have a limited amount of mental capacity. Use it wisely.
Hit me. I dare you.
At 9 a.m., you will be in a state of numbness. The only thing you will feel is the exhaustion seeping through your veins. So, when you are crossing the street to get to your class (because this professor only takes hard copy submissions) and a car is racing towards you, the likelihood of you caring is below zero.
You will be thinking of nothing beyond handing this godforsaken paper in. You could be walking through the middle of a warzone, and you would not know the difference.
Even if you were aware of the danger surrounding you, you could not possibly care less. You have one goal — get this paper turned in. And nothing, and you mean nothing, will stop you.
Moral of the story: The outside world has no bearing on you achieving your goals.
If you want to achieve something, you need to have laser focus on it. Do not juggle ten different tasks and expect to accomplish them all. That is impossible. We have all heard of studies on how multitasking is terrible for the brain. So do yours a favor and stick to just one goal.
Then, when the world starts throwing obstacles in your way, don’t hesitate to ignore them.
You could be one of those people who sit in their house all day, blaming the world for their poor hand in life. But where is the fun in that? Why would you willingly give up control of the only life you have? That sounds like a terrible idea.
So, embody that all-or-nothing attitude and choose one thing to apply yourself to. You will be shocked by how you skyrocket into success.
Read at Your Own Risk
You handed the paper in at 9:27 a.m. on the dot. 33 minutes before the deadline. Impressive! Now is the time to take that victory lap straight into your bed.
After a solid 8-hour nap, you wake up and think to yourself, “I wonder what I wrote.”
So, you pull out your trusted laptop and click on the history paper you spent all night on. Upon reading the first two pages, you slam your laptop shut and shudder with embarrassment.
No freaking way you submitted that.
It was so poetic last night, but now it sounds like a kindergartener’s attempt at paraphrasing Shakespeare.
For the next ten days, you walk around like an anxious mess, preemptively mourning the loss of your 4.0 GPA.
You finally get that dreaded notification email from Canvas. Grades are posted. All you are hoping for is above 70. The professor was never one to give out sympathy grades, but maybe he had a change of heart.
So, you shut your eyes right after clicking the hyperlink to see your grade. Once you have finished your mini prayer and taken three deep breaths, you brave a look.
84! Who would have guessed it? Not you for the last ten days.
Moral of the story: Leave the past in the past.
First and foremost, do not elicit self-cringing. You do not need to bring up all the stupid things you have done in your past. Lord knows there is plenty to bring up, but it does you no good. Unless you are trying to learn a lesson from your mistakes, just leave the past where it belongs — the past.
There is no need to bully yourself over those things. Your friends probably do that for you (if they are good friends, at least).
You need to stop picking at your scabs, hoping they heal faster. That is not how this works. Just focus on your next step forward instead of that faceplant you took three years ago.
Secondly, you do not have some mystical power to predict the future. So, if the outcome is unknown, don’t start theorizing. Leave all that to Nostradamus.
You should not be stressing out about a hypothetical grade or decision. That is a waste of your time and such an energy drain. Show yourself some love and remain positive. Remember that even if everything goes wrong (and Murphy’s Law says it will), you will be okay. There is nothing in this world that you cannot move on from. Nothing. So, lace up your big-girl/boy boots and get to walking.
Final Thoughts
There is a lot to learn from all-nighters — some things to mimic and some to avoid. But ultimately, you must prioritize your needs. On top of all that, you need to know your needs. Now that is an unenviable task.
Figuring your life out sounds like rainbows and butterflies when, in reality, it’s hurricanes and wasps.
Be humble enough to realize you probably do not know what you need. But also, be curious enough to find out through trial and error.
