3 Ways We Are Fractured Liars
Something that came up in a coaching session recently was that we live fractured lives in some areas. We lie to ourselves. We’re out of integrity.
I’ve seen three ways in which this happens: 1) we say we want something but we’re not willing to do what’s required 2) We only love the good aspects of ourselves, and 3) we want a better future, but we’re not willing to let go of the past.
Being committed to our dreams
This happens when we say we want something but don’t do what’s required to achieve it.
For example, if I say I want six-pack abs but I don’t go to the gym, and I feed my face with McDonald’s all the time, I’m lying to myself. I really don’t want six-pack abs. I might like the idea of it, but if I’m not doing what’s required, I really don’t want it.
So, how do we resolve this dichotomy? There are two paths. One is to quit lying to ourselves about wanting something if our actions don’t show it. Be okay with being where we’re at.
The other path is that of fueling our desire for something. It’s the path of Be, Do, Have. We get to be that person who does what it takes to have what we want. If we want six-pack abs, then we’ll do what’s required to get them.
This is a challenge that I am overcoming in my Zenpowerment business. I am fractured. My mission is to empower millions of people with Zenpowerment. In order to do that, I get to be uncomfortable. I get to meet lots of people. I get to network. I get to speak on stage.
See, I’m an introvert. I like to be alone. That’s my comfort zone, but it doesn’t support my mission with Zenpowerment. So I’ve chosen to get uncomfortable… a lot.
There are plenty of days when I don’t feel like doing what’s required. There are some days I fall out of integrity with myself. None of us are perfect. I’m cool with my imperfections.
But when I do feel like this, there are many times when I feed my desire to impact millions. I think about the lives I have already changed. I think about all of the possibilities. I envision myself speaking on larger stages. Many times, that helps me get through the limiting emotions and do what’s required.
I constantly remind myself of my WHY. It’s not about me.
Where are you fractured? If you see where your actions aren’t supporting what you really want, do you really want it or are you just lying to yourself? Is your WHY big enough?
Either do what’s required or stop lying to yourself. If you get real with yourself, you’ll feel more peace, whichever path you take.
Loving ourselves unconditionally
Another area in which we can be fractured is in how we love ourselves. It’s easy to love our great accomplishments, our good stuff. You know, the stuff we like to share on social media.
But we all have a little box hidden away in the basement of our minds where we keep our darkness, our shadow, the things we’re not so proud of. It’s funny, because we act like it’s ‘our little secret’, and yet, everybody else has their dark side as well.
We suppress our negative emotions. We hide any guilt and shame we might have. And this fractures us because we are loving ourselves conditionally. We are loving part of us and hating or hiding another part of us.
The thing is, this beautiful box of darkness is part of us as well. When we learn to accept it as part of us, instead of resisting it, somehow, this box gets smaller and smaller, and really isn’t that dark. In fact, some of our greatest life lessons came because of what’s in that box. It’s truly a gift.
The other thing that happens as we learn to love our darkness is that we learn to love and accept the darkness in others. We become more loving and compassionate.
As we learn to love the entirety of who we are, we mend the fracture of our soul.
Holding onto the ‘past’
I remember as a child in elementary school, I loved the monkey bars. I learned to skip a bar so I could go further faster. What I didn’t realize at the time is that the monkey bars had an incredible life lesson to teach me… If you want to move forward, you have to let go of the bar behind you.
Life is pretty much the same way. Sometimes, we want to move forward, but we’re afraid of letting go of the past. All the past is is a collection of present moments that we remember.
If we want change in our lives, we get to create new present moments that are different. This means letting go of the past. This means challenging beliefs that may have worked once but are no longer working for us.
Learning and growing from the past is great, but there comes a time when, in order to grow, we get to let it go. For example, when we were in third grade in school, the books that we read served us. Today, they wouldn’t be as valuable as they were then.
Something that I do on a regular basis is what I call emptying the cup. In my journal, I write down all of the things that I believe to see if I really still believe them, or if I just inherited the stories from family, culture, etc. It’s amazing how many stories I’ve released and replaced with better serving stories.
If we’re living in the past, we don’t enjoy the present as much and our future will be just a repetition of the past unless we change. If we want a better future, we get to let go of the past and be more present.
Bringing it all together
While we don’t intentionally set out to be fractured liars, as we take some time to create self-awareness and do some self-examination, we will discover ways in which we are not in alignment with ourselves. These are only three examples that I’ve shared. There are others. For example, when something happens, there is what happens, then there is the story that we create about what happens. For example, if I call a friend and they don’t pick up, that’s what happened. When I start to invent reasons why they didn’t pick up, then most likely I am lying to myself to create meaning about what happened.
When we are fractured, our energy is divided as well. We become weaker in our direction and resolve. If we choose to mend our fractures, we can put all of our energy in a single direction.