4 Things I Learned During A 10-Day Silent Meditation Retreat
Vipassana changed my life.
Never in a million years could you have told me I would sit down and shut up for 100 hours over the course of 10 days. I’m talking complete silence, pretend-the-other-humans-aren’t-there kind of shut up.
Spoiler alert: it was incredible.
I learned so much during that time. I really got to be one with myself. Insert “ohm” humming here. I’m kidding, we actually only did one chant, sadhu, which is someone who is on the path to enlightenment. We bowed to ourselves, no gods or teachers, and reflected on our daily meditation experience.
Vipassana is an ancient practice used to experience the true nature of reality. As we sat in the Dhamma Hall, and closed our eyes, we got to feel the subconscious sensations we otherwise would ignore. So, we experienced what our mind was doing in the background of everyday tasks in our reality, in our conscious mind. As if we were sleeping, but awake, too. We had to look at them objectively, no craving the good feelings, no aversion to the bad. Neutral. Objective.
So what did this teach me exactly? What could I have possibly learned on a free 10 day silent session?
Patience
With myself and others. Sitting down cross legged with my eyes closed for hours on end, trying to feel something but also not focus on it was a very difficult task. I had itches, where I was certain there was a bug on me, crawling around. I’d open my eyes, lose my focus, and nothing was even there. I had pain in my joints from sitting still so long in the same position, but I couldn’t move. I had to focus on the sensations I was feeling on my body, in my body. It made me realize that the irritation I was feeling was only there because I was paying attention to it, and as I focused on it, it got worse. As I learned to look at these itches and pains without craving or aversion, they went away, then another one would arise elsewhere.
This is a simple metaphor for life. When we focus on the negative in life, it only intensifies. When we learn to look at the pain objectively, not emotionless, just with understanding that it exists currently, we don’t have to continue to let it fester in our heart and mind. We observe it, realize that it has come, and let it go. What did I learn? That pain is inevitable, I will experience it as long as I live, but I must not let it make me impatient, I must not avert it. It will pass, as they all do, and I will have compassion for myself. Patience.
There is good news, the opposite is also true. Focus on the good in life and it will also intensify. Which brings me to my next lesson.
Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude
I never really sat down and had the chance to really think about everything I have in my life. When I went to this retreat, I was about to move out of my apartment, my car was breaking down, and I had to find a new place to live while running a business. That wasn’t easy once they took my phone away on day one. No outside contact, no speaking. After what felt like a lifetime, I retuned to the desk where they had taken my electronics. They handed them over, and I looked at my phone and iPad but I couldn’t turn them on just yet. I was afraid. I wasn’t the same person I was 11 days prior. I just started to speak again, I can’t turn on my phone! So I set it down, plugged it in, and used my voice for the first time to talk to my new friends, these women I had gotten to know on a level I didn’t even understand. We had just endured the hardest self surgery any of us had ever performed, together.
I was grateful for these women, grateful for my business that wasn’t making me much money but gave me the ability to go on this trip. I was grateful for my car that got me there, the servers that made us food, the green leaves on the tree, the butterflies and beetles… I just saw so much more of the world now. It was all around me and I missed it for 26 years chasing things I didn’t have to impress people I barely knew. I woke up that day, and realized how amazing the fact that I even existed was. Grateful.
Abundance
Every day after the day of meditation was complete, we got to watch Goenka, the teacher from India, give us a nightly discord. After the first one, I couldn’t wait for the day to end so I could hear another story. One of the things he talked about most was abundance, and the mindset of having enough. We so often get into this false mindset that we must keep this greatness to ourselves, there’s not enough room for another (insert your profession here) and then we get selfish. We keep our great ideas to ourselves and we don’t let people in.
There are 7.7 billion people on this earth. The scientific fact of the matter is, you had 400 trillion other things you could have been, yet you got to be you. That right there is incredible. You are one of a kind, no one can be like you. So why scarcity? Why do we feel like we have to keep it all to ourselves? I know I did. I didn’t want to share my secrets of success with others, until this course opened up my eyes to the sheer improbability that I even got to exist. That the other 7.7 billion other people got to exist. The world is full of possibility, and success for everyone is different and abundant.
The only thing you can control is your energy.
I want to shout this from the roof tops. There is nothing, and I am telling you, nothing that you can do about external happenstance. I know that makes you feel small and vulnerable, but listen. No one on this earth has control over what happens outside of themselves. Which is why it’s so important to be self aware. The energy you put out affects people, and that is what is controllable! Energy is transferred, never destroyed. So if you take control of the energy you emit, that is what is in your power. What an incredible power to hold! You can change the course of someone’s life, your life! All because you took responsibility for the energy you emit. There will be bad things that happen in life, because there is still bad energy out there that people are emitting. Don’t be the one that is emitting it. Be a light, and see how that always wins over darkness. ❤
