4 Ways to Save Your Sanity, When You Are Childless by Choice
…and friends, neighbors, strangers bug you for an explanation.
This report shows Millenials are reluctant to have children for legit reasons. Belonging to an urban,educated segment of middle-class in India, I can see this phenomenon creeping in here, as well.
However, we live in a world where what we do to our body merits an clarification. More so, in a clannish society. And this may happen to you, irrespective of gender.
If you are child-free by choice and don’t shy away from giving the ‘nosey-parker’ an earful when the event arises, then stop here.
I’ve chalked out some self-preservation tips after much deliberation, in order to keep my sanity intact in this child-obsessed society. In case you’re an anomaly as well, hop on.
1) Don’t expect a pat on the back
Before, I’ve tried reasoning out with folks who felt curious (some downright outraged) on- why I am not keen on having my own bundle of joy.
With much naivety, I put forth my genuine concerns, like: population explosion, limited resources, unsafe world etc.
Nobody gave two hoots about my ‘noble intentions’ and kept harping on the usual tropes, like- family line, old age-guarantee, and my absolute favorite-
‘’If your parents would do that, you would not have been here’.’
Takeaway
There would be no one to applaud your ‘bigger purpose’ with a bunch of roses( there might be few brickbats though). The majority believe what they wish to believe.
2) Say ‘no’ to an online argument
The rivalry between parents and non-parents is real. I saw few online debates between them in various Facebook groups.And they turned into ‘something’ acerbic and Ad hominem.
I have friends in both the camps. The ‘married with kids’ one glorifies parenthood on social media. The other camp is hell-bent on proving the ‘YOLO’ mantra of their lives via Insta pictures of ad-hoc trekking trips/marathon/late-night parties/ power-slogans.
Takeaway
The argument that never leads to an actionable-conclusion is pointless. In case you are choice-shamed, vent out your ‘argument’ through-
a)Writing/blogging humorous/satirical pieces,
b)Drawing cartoons about the lives of child-free peeps,
c)Nurturing plants/animals,
d)Finding out a support group of like-minded people. Or better,
e)Kick-starting one.
Don’t get self-destructive by endless debate with strangers on the internet.
Word of Caution: If someone brings up religion justifying the ‘importance’ of procreation, stop right there. Send them a bunch of trash-dove emojis instead.
3) Rest assured, nobody ‘really’ cares
Take deep breaths. People are curious to know why you are doing what you’re doing. Or, they are looking for external validation for their own choices in life. And a deviator might make them being uncomfortable themselves.
Some express it aggressively, while others are plain bored and want to stretch out the conversation. But after a certain time, people move on.
Takeaway
Amidst AI and robots taking away jobs, social media behemoth stealing data, and the sense of doom and gloom everywhere, nobody has time to bother about others’ reproductions that deep.
4) Read about Cosmos/watch the sky/go to nature
These days, post-dinner, I bring a mat on roof-top, lie down on my back,and stare at the night-sky, for about 30 minutes. This is my form of whacky meditation.
And it leads me towards self-realization that,
a)I am just a tiny drop in a sea of dots. And
b)Many of my problems are mountains out of molehills.
Takeaway
Surrendering yourself to that power which is bigger than you is comforting. Join a sky-watchers’ group. Read Carl Sagan. Or go to mountains.
Those sun-kissed peaks assure me — we can all leave a mark in this world in our own small way. It needs not to be only through — birthing new lives.
