5 questions to ask your grandparents before they get too old.

Do it while you still can.

I held her hand tight, even though she didn’t squeeze back. Our shared memories were only mine to hold onto. Using every muscle in my face to fight back tears, I forced my mind to cling to other thoughts. I needed the distraction.

She hadn’t passed away, but my Halmoni (Grandma in Korean) was gone.

I said goodbye, for what could be the last time, and hurried to the door.

Once I escaped the entrance to the senior living home, I rushed to my car with my team meeting in 10 minutes on my mind.

The car started, but it didn’t move. I paused. Allowing myself to grieve for a moment, droplets fell off my chin with the weight of regret.

A goodbye is supposed to be an acceptance of parting. But parting requires that you were together. To her, we had never met. Our goodbye was lost.

She didn’t remember the time we went on walks near the golf course and collected stray golf balls in my tricycle bucket. She couldn’t recall the way she’d cut my apple slices to look like little baby rabbits using the skins. She couldn’t even remember her own name.

The dementia had wiped her memory and removed my existence from her world.

I wish I knew her better. I wish I got to hear her stories — what it was like to move to America because her daughter married an American against her will, how she was able to raise 4 children even when her husband lost everything because of a bad investment, a first-hand account of interpretations I heard from my mom.

Now, it’s too late.

I didn’t visit often enough to create memories with her as an adult. And when I did, my Korean wasn’t good enough to carry the conversations I wish I had. If I could go back, I’d ask her questions. I’d want to hear stories that would contribute to my celebration of her life.

My opportunity is gone, but maybe you still have a grandparent who you can talk to. Consider these questions as a starting point. Do it while you still can.

5 Questions to ask your grandparents

1. What dreams did you have as a child? Did you fulfill them? Why or why not?
2. What was your proudest moment? What’d you achieve in your lifetime that made life worth living?
3. If you met yourself at my age, what would you say? What would you share?
4. What’s your favorite memory from our time together?
5. What brings you joy?

(She didn’t know who’s birthday it was or who I was, but I’ll hold onto this memory forever - 9/23/2017)

If you could relate to this story, please 👏 this post so others will find it and create memories with their grandparents while they still can.