7 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From My First Year at University
As it turns out, independence teaches you quite a few things.
It felt like just yesterday I was struggling to carry (more like drag) my suitcases up the two flights of stairs to finally settle into the small room I’d call home for the next year. My flawed logic convinced me that there would be no issue with accidentally leaving important things behind if I had brought everything. And that’s exactly what I did. I mean, who likes change? My first time truly away from home on my own in a new city filled with new people was a nightmare that turned awfully real for an introvert like me.
In the end, I realised that nothing in those three suitcases helped prepare me for what I was going to face. It was a combination of trial and error, a great support system, and sheer luck that I got through my first year (mostly) unscathed. Now that I’ve survived the very thing I was terrified of in addition to ending the year with all this newly acquired knowledge, I couldn’t imagine myself taking a different course and meeting different people. I may not have learned the same lessons if I did.
1. A cluttered space = a cluttered mind (and vice versa).
My first year away from home and living in University dorms made me realise how quickly everything became cluttered. It was ridiculously easy to leave things on my bed or the table and tell myself that I would clean it up later. But when you’re eventually left with zero desk space and a pile of things you’ve accumulated over the past few days, the mess becomes too much to ignore and you find yourself taking ages to sort out the clutter that would’ve taken you less than 5 minutes to clear in the beginning.
Pro tip: do yourself a favour and nip it right in the bud. Fast forward a few days time, you’ll be thanking yourself for doing so.
Whenever I’m experiencing some not-so-good days, I find that taking the time to clear up my room and pushing all the clutter aside immensely improves my mental clarity and general mood. Setting up a comfortable and calming space for yourself to relax as well as do work is a must to tackle unproductivity and homesickness: both of which I experienced quite a lot (shocker).
2. Always be early.
Whether it be a friendly hangout, work meeting, or the queue to get your morning cup of coffee, being early is always better in every way. Having thought about it, are there even benefits to showing up late to anything? All you get is embarrassing attention the moment you walk in, some side-eye from your tutors, and a terrible reputation of never being on time.
I have to admit, I rarely used to do this. It was always come exactly on time to avoid sitting awkwardly alone or even worse, having to engage in any form of small talk. It was what made the most sense to me for the longest time, a way to preserve my bubble of introversion out in the brutal world.
I realised, though, that there was no point in waiting in the car for the perfect moment to show up when I could just show up early and save the anxiety of being late while also, most importantly, showing respect to others. Don’t forget the added bonus of being on the giving end of the “I can’t believe you’re late” side-eye whenever someone shows up late.
3. Building good habits: a little every day goes a very long way.
Routines weren’t really my thing, so doing something every day without fail seemed improbable for someone like me. This was until COVID happened and everything shifted online. I found it extremely difficult to keep up with lectures and assignments. Suddenly there was no structure to my days and weeks turned into one big blur. I have always been the kind of person who got through studies and exams by cramming the night before. I realise now that it was harmful behaviour to myself as I would, time and time again, unnecessarily go through periods of severe anxiety as I tried to complete assignments in a rush.
It took me 19 years to come to the conclusion that I needed to change my habits and make room to build better ones that actually lasted. Challenging as it was at first to stick to doing something each day, I now regret not having done this years ago when I could. Setting aside 30 minutes every morning or night (depending on the mood), just to do my bible readings, practice my Spanish, and go through flashcards keeps me on my toes and gives some structure and familiarity to my days.
4. A relationship is hard work, but it’s easy with the right person.
I knew that my long-distance relationship was going to be hard work, and it was exactly that (maybe even tougher than I thought it was going to be). However difficult it became, we were always able to overcome it somehow. And that’s how I realised that the person you’re with makes all the difference.
It was slow progress over time but the understanding, mutual care, and willingness of my partner to listen and accommodate to what I needed in the relationship (and vice versa) nurtured a safe space for trust.
Being so far away from people you love can be heart-wrenching, but it also provides an opportunity for both personal and combined growth. Watching my friends enjoy themselves on dates and exciting new adventures in their romantic life could be tough at times, especially at University. I felt left out, but there was also not much I could do. However, as I reach another milestone in my life, I now know that it’s much more of a feat to have reached a point of comfortable stability rather than constant change and excitement, and I cannot be more grateful to be going through it with him.
It’s true what they say: distance does make the heart grow fonder.
5. It’s impossible to please everyone.
I was a people pleaser. Correction: I’m still a people pleaser, but a lot less now that I try to be more self-aware. I had become so used to tailoring myself to the needs of other people that it fooled me into believing that it was just who I was. I passed off the need to fulfil the happiness of others as being kind and thoughtful when behind closed doors, I suffered from the anxiety of upsetting others by not doing what they wanted me to do.
The only person whose happiness you have control over is your own, so why sacrifice your time and effort to keep others happy when the person you should be focusing on is yourself! As cliche as it sounds, I eventually realised that it is true. By coming to terms with the fact that most people only really cared about themselves and that no one was actually paying attention to the things that I do, I felt somewhat liberated from most of what was holding me back. The false identity that I became too familiar with fell away to make room for me to find my true self.
6. Document everything.
And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Take pictures of the food you eat, the little market stalls you discover on spontaneous trips out, record videos of your friends when they do stupid things. Since I came back home, being away from the people I used to see every day was challenging. It was like I expected a knock on the door or an invitation for a spontaneous walk at night, but it never came because I wasn’t there anymore.
I used to be a big believer in the whole ‘live in the moment’ thing, scared that I would miss anything if I had blinked wrong and not really seeing the point of taking pictures when you could simply reminisce about the good times by procuring blurry recollections in your head. And so I never took pictures or videos of those fleeting moments because the reality that I couldn’t relive them had only struck me after it passed.
Before you regret not having anything to look back on the good times when you’re feeling sentimental, document them while you can. Plus, you’ll have plenty of content to show your children and even maybe grandchildren how their grandparents were like back in the day. It can be your personal time capsule stored away like a piece of history.
7. True friendships stand the test of time and distance.
Something I’ve come to realise this past year is that friendships also require a lot of investment and effort (from both parties). I was afraid that both my friends and I would lose contact, with them pursuing their dreams and education in so many different countries around the world; all so far away from me. Yes, we do speak less frequently, and I suppose there might be an obvious delay in reply times but the thing with best friends is even though you haven’t spoken in months, the moment you start talking again, it’ll feel like nothing has changed.
I find that there are simply connections between people, like string spanning across oceans from the UK to Canada to Indonesia, that just cannot be severed. My friends and I have that, and I hope that we’ll continue having it for a very long time.
It’s quickly nearing the end of the summer holiday and I still find it hard to believe that an entire year flew by without my knowing. It made me realise that life doesn’t wait for you to get your bearings, it just carries on. I’m afraid that one day I’ll have woken up from all this autopilot adulting and realise that many many years have gone by and I wasn’t able to make the most of my youth.
There’s so much more I am yet to learn in the next 2 years of my time here and I am looking forward to many new experiences that will teach me more about relationships, self-improvement, and life as it is.
