A Silent Man In A Noisy World
Being a taciturn in a loquacious world
There is no doubt that the world, today, has become a boisterous place. And in a nation like India (where I come from), wherever you go, its hard to be in silence. There is an explosion of not only population but also of social exchanges. It is true that with the evolution of technology and social networks, our natural inclination to meet and greet has tuned down (a lot) due to engagements on social media, but, as the world grows in size, so do our inter-dependence on each other as a specie.
Over the last few years — essentially since the dawn of globalization and liberalization of economies — our need for each other has only increased. There has been an unprecendented flow of ideas, technologies, money and people across political and geographical boundaries. This flow has enabled us to interact with each other in ways we could not have imagined ever before.
In the days of yore, when the flow of ideas was limited within political boundaries, socialization too happened at a local level — within families and within states — the flow was (if I can use the word) microcosmic. Today, as we transcend the political boundaries, we might have in the process, established a true macrocosm of seething and blooming cultures that represent the flavors of our society.
In such an age of globalized world order, there are some who feel the scale of this macrocosm more than others. These are the people who speak less, speak gently, observe more, think a lot and probably do the most — they are the taciturns of today’s global family.
Taciturns are people who speak less and to the point. These people do not believe in verbosity. Many of them may be introverts too but, I have no scientific endorsement to make that claim and hence will refrain from alluding to or drawing any such conclusions. But, being a taciturn and an introvert, I can say that it is very easy and frequent to lose voice in all this boisterousness and to feel alone.
So, what does it mean to be a taciturn in the modern world? What are some day to day experiences that make them feel distinguished? When do such people have a glib and open conversation? I will try to answer some of these questions based on my own experiences.
Being a taciturn, I hate when I have to divide my attention among multiple people or multiple subjects at a time. One of the greatest strengths of people who speak less is their natural capability to observe and listen well. And since we observe more, we process more thoughts and more things [than does someone else]. And to do that, it serves us well to be as focused as possible at a given instant. So, if you surround such people with multiple faces, multiple mouths and multiple ideas, they tend to speak even lesser.
As far as conversations go, I love to have one-to-one conversations with people. The most comfortable and glib conversations with taciturns happen in an environment where they are free to give their undivided attention to the single point of focus (the other party to the tête-à-tête). Some of the best, productive and well-remembered conversations of my life have taken place in such simple settings.
Again, speaking for myself, people who speak less prefer deep and real conversations on sophisticated matters of life rather than superficial small talk (another reason for speaking less). Such conversations are not only engaging but also extremely captivating.
Coming to social gatherings and (speaking of professional/corporate environments) offsites and team building activities, the taciturns become the point of attention and are subject to frowning eyes and judging minds because they stick out — they look like the odd ones, the weird ones, the cliched square pegs in round holes. Why? Because they have the least to say which (to the others) is tantamount to lack of participation.
Not only this, taciturns tend to have fewer (and close) friends. When the expectations of friendship are limited to social activities like partying and playing around, it is hard to fulfil for people who are (physiologically) avert to them. Their constitution stops them from participating in such activities on a regular basis unless that is what is extremely essential.
Such people are often told (in gatherings, in offices, in tête-à-têtes) that they need to start speaking; that they need to learn to be more vocal and more social — as if the whole universe was balanced on someone’s willingness to chatter. Even the best of friends and family, sometimes, lose patience and go on a rant about how annoying taciturnity is. What can one possibly say when the nearest and dearest ones find them weird? It only forces you to think that they might be right.
I smile a lot (or at least I used to, as I am told). So, when I have nothing to say to someone, I deal in smiles. And that is probably the best and also the most annoying trait that I (or people like me) possess. In the (about) three decades of my life, I have made friends who became friends because of my tacit nature and when they truly understood me and the meaning of my smile. This also proved to me that friendship takes time. And I have met people who found it a sign of shrewishness and even shyness.
So, yes, when you live in a world that expects loquacity and accepts behavior that is very social, being taciturn is not a walk in the park. Being an introvert — even less so. Over time, with experience and with the endorsement of like minded friends (and family), I have learnt to stick to my strengths even if the external appearance doesn’t make them look like strengths.
In conclusion, this was not a moral lecture of social reformation, but I can still think of a few important lessons that can be learnt about effectively dealing with taciturns in day-to-day settings. The most important of such lessons is for the corporate leaders who need to understand the strengths and traits of people that follow them and look up to them. Adaptability is the key.
Also, family, friends need to understand that in a world that is constantly growing, communication is and has to be much more than just words. No one can make it through this world alone and (ideally) we need to be capable enough to recognize the good in each other that draws us together. When we have someone to depend upon, our insecurities, loneliness and fears diminish — and isn’t that what all of us deserve?
Today’s world is not driven by words but by actions and it is each one of us’ responsibility to make sure that the actions of the gentlest and least vociferous ones amongst us do not remain neglected. And not because such people are weak, it’s just that they don’t exhibit their strengths in a style we are used to. Let actions resulting from the best of our traits and talents make this world boisterous and better rather than mere words. That will be a true success for all of us — for the whole human race.
