A Tool for Managing Stress That Doesn’t Involve Toxic Positivity
It’s easy to overlook what gives us meaning and worth.
We all have that friend who tells us to “focus on the positive” when we’re struggling with something. Another version of this is when I hear them use the terms “first world” or “champagne problems” to describe what I’m experiencing. It’s true that some kinds of stress are temporary and manageable as opposed to a full-blown crisis. But what our friend is doing is more in line with toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is a coping strategy we use to push away negative thoughts and feelings. When we overdo it, we end up denying or minimizing our suffering. In a year like this — going on two — this mindset is neither sustainable nor helpful. In fact, toxic positivity can be particularly destructive when the situation we’re confronting is something we can’t change or control.
Letting go of negative thoughts and feelings is hard, especially when our well-meaning but short-sighted friend tells us to find the good in every situation. Rather than giving in to saccharine pleas for silver linings, I find it helpful to focus on personal agency. When we feel helpless, it’s easy to lose sight of our agency.
Something I’ve worked on personally and shared with clients in therapy is…
