Abrupt changes to schedule…
Early on in my work as a photographer I had a serious problem with models canceling the shoot the day of the shoot or worse yet simply not showing up. I did not know this was a common problem with models and almost always took it personally. The cancellation would always upset me and often times it would send me into a meltdown where I would emotionally crash. It would take the better part of a day to recover from the event. At the time I had never even heard of Asperger’s Syndrome, let alone did I know that it affected me. This did not stop those around me from having harsh reactions to my reaction to the models flaking on me, which did nothing to help the situation.
It turns out there was an explanation for my reaction. People with Asperger’s Syndrome have a serious resistance to any change in their plans or routine. In the past few days as I have been writing about my experiences with Asperger’s Syndrome I had forgotten about how much this resistance to change in routine/plans has effected me in the past, until this morning. I had planned to meet with the mother of a child who has Asperger’s today. I do not know this woman, only know of her through a friend. I sent her a text this morning confirming our appointment and I got a response that basically said “Maybe, I will let you know.” This later turned into “I need to reschedule” without an explanation why. I have been working hard at learning to deal with the effects of my condition and so this morning I did not get too upset over the last minute change in schedule. However, in the past before I knew what I was dealing with, I would have probably become irate and then after that needed to sleep the afternoon away.
Another example from my own life of the resistance to change was the morning my dog Tikhon died in August 2010. Tikhon (tee-khon) was a 7 year old English Toy Spaniel who had a heart murmur. He was the runt of the litter and was tiny for a full grown English Toy Spaniel. When I got Ruutu in 2009. I introduced her to my dogs wrong and simply let her in the house. She found Tikhon and thought he was a puppy due to his small size, so she pounced him to try to get him to play with her. From that day forward he was terrified of her. A year and a half later one morning the ex-wife yelled up to me to come quickly because Tikhon was dying. When I got him in my arms he coughed up blood and water and was dead. I took him to the back yard to bury him, but in doing so I stopped, opened the box I had him in and yelled “Tikhon, wake up! This is not funny!” The ex-wife reassured me that he was gone and so we went to bury him. This was right around the time of my birthday and she had been wondering what to get me for my birthday. An hour or so later as I was doing dishes I said under my breath “I know what you can get me for my damned birthday.” She looked straight at me and said “Go find him now!” I finished doing the dishes and immediately set out to find a male cocker spaniel puppy. The search for the puppy who would come after Tikhon, I could never say replace him because he had such a crazy irreplaceable personality, took my mind off the drastic change that the loss of Tikhon brought to me and saved the day for me.
I am only saying this from my own experience and do not dare to speak for other people who are effected by Asperger’s. Nor do I by any means guarantee that what I am about to suggest will work for others. After all, I am not a psychologist, but rather someone who has lived with Asperger’s for 40+ years. It seems that the best way to deal with an abrupt change in schedule that could potentially be upsetting and ruin the day is to help the person who has Asperger’s very quickly, if not immediately get their mind to focus strongly on another all encompassing task at hand. The problem with when the models would cancel is that I had nothing else to get my attention focused on, and so it would lead to a bad conclusion. I contrast that with the death of Tikhon. I did not know that I had Asperger’s at the time, however, my then wife knew how I would react and wanted nothing to do with me pouting for a day or so over the death of my dog. Thus shortly after his death she had me get my mind focused on finding another puppy. This took up the rest of my day and ended up that evening with my having a 2 month old cocker spaniel puppy named Lambert. Finding and obtaining Lambert distracted my mind from the death of Tikhon strongly enough that I didn’t have the time to react to Tikhon’s death the way it might have otherwise.
I am not going to say that I deal with change as well as someone who is not effected with Asperger’s does. However, I have learned what to expect when drastic and sudden changes occur in my schedule and how to work to minimize the effects of it on my life. If you have someone in your life who has Asperger’s Syndrome please understand that as a general rule aspie’s don’t deal well with change so try not to be too hard on them when change occurs and they struggle to deal with it.
NB: If you have been reading my posts lately and are either some one who has Asperger’s or have a family member who has it, drop me a note to say hi!
