Against the wall

Last month I took 4 weeks off after several years pushing forward the entrepreneurship landscape in my country (wrote a piece on why I had decided to do it, called “Turning the lights off”, in case you want to read it)

It was a month that truly helped me reshape my mind and soul, align my priorities, understand what was really important and focus.

It was a month full of long chats with friends, family, colleagues and clients.
It was a month full of reading, walking, thinking and observing.
It was a month full of happiness, sadness, clarity and obscurity.
It was a month where I felt like I went against the wall.
And it was really worth it.

When I started, I had 5 points that I wanted to improve, after a really great roundtable at the F.ounders event in Lisbon this past November. These 5 points were:

• do something you are passionate about
• care about those you love and dedicate quality time for them
• sleep well
• eat healthy
• do exercise

The first 2 are explained further down in the learnings.
The last 3, the basic ones, I took them straight on (exercise, eat well, sleep).

• First was exercise: as I was suffering from a back injury that I had suffered in September, that never really cleared, it was starting to truly affect me and my mind. It annoyed me that I couldn’t solve it and at the age of 38 you don’t want to not fix these issues. So this time I searched for help, had major sessions of physiotherapy almost every day, kept doing the exercises that were prescribed and on the 8th session I started seeing results. Today I run again (3 times a week), still slowly but it was a major step for me and my back problem is practically gone. By chance I even met this past weekend the osteopath that first really understood what I had and he told me “I hope I only see you again in many many years”.
• Then was food: and all I can say is “use what works for you and listen to your body”. For me, it was a combination of talking to a nutritionist along the way (I used Rise, really recommend it), be consistent, have a schedule so that your body follows it, reconnect with good old home food like my mother used to do (and getting my hands to really work again in the kitchen), having healthy food available (eliminating also whatever was in excess) and a lot of will power. Results up to now: 5 kilos gone and I feel much better (probably also related to the endorphins released thru running).
• The sleep department: that was easier, because if you have time, you can sleep. But it was also challenging because in such a busy life, I had to force myself to take a nap every day to slow me down and properly recover. Life gets complicated as it advances over the years (in a good way, but it does get complicated). You have more responsibility, your family grows, the kids need a lot of attention, you have less time to do your stuff, you have to optimize resources, time seems to run faster, weeks and months go by and you don’t notice. So my advice is, if you have some time to slow down, you should really go for it, as you need that to properly enter into a state of restful mind. I must admit, I was always one of those guys against kumbaya stuff, but there was one thing that truly stun me and surprised me as it was amazingly effective in this sleep department: meditation. I started by chance from a friendly challenge, liked it, and continued that first approach to it using Headspace to understand it a bit better. After a few sessions, I now do it by myself at night when everybody is asleep, 20min is enough for me. It might seem small but for me it works and I kept with my principle “listen to your body”.

And so, I came away from this month with a few learnings that I want to share.

Learning One: PASSION
To work hard for something we don’t care about is called STRESS.
To work hard for something we love is called PASSION.

It’s been some long years pushing hard. And I’m ok with that. I was born in a family that always pushed hard to achieve objectives and I guess when you have that across your childhood, it just sticks with you for life.

But the breaking point I reached in December was an acknowledgment that you really need to add a few more ingredients into that recipe of “pushing hard to achieve objectives”.

Don’t take me wrong. I love my job and I love what I do. But I felt that I needed to find my new Passion. And I believe I have probably found it, by simply having long weeks playing with my kids.

For a few centuries now, the Education sector has not changed. The main concept of how you learn is still the same. And I felt that there was something wrong with that.

And if there is one investment people can never take away from you is education. If the whole world evolved to the XXI century, how come education hasn’t?

There are several examples of remarkable and inspirational projects around the world on this topic and I felt that if not for me, for my kids, I had to use my skills and put it to the test. So my passion is this, to bring new perspectives and learnings into the Education sector. More news in the upcoming months ;)

Learning Two: TRUST
A team is not a group of people who work together.
A team is a group of people who trust each other.

Recently I was reading a book that focused exactly on this issue. It had the sentence from above and it really resonated with me.

That means, no double checking on work of others, no back stabbing, no gossip, no politics. Just a great ethic that creates a real team, where members take care of each other and want to see each other succeed.

Read again “A team is not a group of people who work together. A team is a group of people who trust each other”.

It really makes you want to rethink a lot of stuff, and for me it made me realize a few things that I had bluntly in front of me but I just couldn’t see or was afraid to see or act on it. This was a great decision making learning.

Learning Three: VULNERABILITY
Take the courage to become stronger by admitting vulnerability

This month made me more vulnerable, I felt it in every bone of my body. But I also felt that it was actually a good thing, because a good leader should create an environment that allows and admits our vulnerabilities. We all make mistakes, and showing you have all the answers puts a huge pressure on the rest. Instead, we should admit our humanity. It will make us all stronger.

Thru the conversations I had during last month, it was difficult to talk with others about certain issues. How to start? Can I trust? Is it ok to show this side of me?

I admit the first time it was super hard, and I didn’t even go much into the core of it. But the more I talked, the more I felt empowered to really go into the core. Many times I felt discomfort, but in the end this helped me so much and I learned so much, that I understood that to become better you have to open up.

Learning Four: LEARN BY LISTENING

After all the long chats, it was clear to me that it was almost better for me to listen than to talk and explain what I was feeling. I have learned more about me in a few weeks just by listening to others than the full duration of the year.

Because in the end, you’re not alone in this. Most people face the same demons at one moment or another in their lives. Of course the details are different, but the main ingredients are all there. And by listening from past experiences, you learn so much.

One of the days I was off, I had a great chat with someone that I was really not expecting. It came up from a simple question from this person. “Is everything ok?” And probably because I was in the middle of the storm, my response was more open than usual to a person I hardly knew. It triggered in the person the story of an incredible journey 10 years back that really made me see that you never know what comes out from a simple question and boy was I in need of listening to a story like that.

Learning Five: TRY
Take the chance to try and fail, so that you get the chance to try and succeed.

The “try” journey is most of the times long and arduous, but it brings long term learnings and builds character. Plus, it makes you feel good when you achieve and accomplish something more than you thought you were capable of. But you must understand that there are some things that you cannot rush, it just takes time and effort.

This brings me to the experiment of a journey against today’s instantaneous world. Nowadays, when something difficult appears in our radar that really seems like a challenge, we tend to rush into a solution that most times had no reflection time, no outside validation, no peer-learning, no true engagement.

And this is a lot to do with this instantaneous world we live in today that almost pushes us to provide solutions for everything, now. Stop rushing. We don’t give ourselves time to reflect and learn and understand and try and fail and try and fail and try and succeed. We should.

Learning Six: TRANSPARENCY

This one I had started trying it at the beginning of 2016 on the more professional level and I knew already that it was very powerful. But last month I really felt the true power of it when used in the personal level.

Several of my chats were super personal, and I wanted to be transparent on what I was feeling so that I could have the biggest benefit on this time off. I knew it was going to be hard and painful and sometimes super unpleasant, but the results completely surpassed whatever pain.

Transparency help accelerate thoughts, and communicate better and have genuine exchanges. It brought a whole new meaning and level to those conversations and helped position peers on the same mindset. And to understand that this was the moment to talk about it.

Learning Seven and the biggest of them all: PEOPLE

When I first wrote about my month off, one of the first of my 5 points was that you should find time to be with those you love and dedicate quality time for them.

And my finding was exactly that. That people are the most important. If you have that, you have already a good foundation so that you can start to build the rest.

You might have lots of friends and a big family and a huge entourage, but if you don’t spend time with them, you’re losing your biggest asset. It’s a special kind of time, one that shows you and them who you are, what you’re becoming, shows your dreams and aspirations and also that you understand them, and their dreams and aspirations.

Life will bring you loads of challenges, and those are better faced with company than without :)

Ricardo Marvão (co-founder Beta-i)